


love letters (& stupid wishes)

by lovecity (xies)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fake Dating, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Misunderstandings, Sort Of, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, To All The Boys I've Loved Before AU, Unrequited Love, cursing, renjun is not v fond of jaemin at first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24653599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xies/pseuds/lovecity
Summary: If Renjun had to explain how he got himself into this situation, he wouldn’t be able to give an exact answer. Maybe it had started when Jaemin suggested the whole thing, a "deal" between them. Or maybe when he saw Donghyuck walking towards him, letter in hand, and Renjun had decided to run away.All he knows is that now his four letters are out in the open, and he's so,soscrewed.(or, a to all the boys i've loved before au where Renjun writes letters to his crushes, and regrets his life later).
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 30
Kudos: 288
Collections: RENMIN FIC FEST: ROUND ONE





	love letters (& stupid wishes)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! ahhhh i struggled so much writing this ngl ;; i almost bailed out, especially when i had to re write the beginning! but it's finally done and i'm so happy! a big thank you to the prompter, and to all the lovely people that helped me along the way ♡ tsanka, val and robin, ily ♡
> 
> i put a lot of thought into making this, so i hope y'all enjoy reading!
> 
> [playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3BHE55js2UQ3qNsjhVQd8j?si=5XdDH09oS0aOjZ--4SIrGQ)♡
> 
> edit 18/06: i forgot to front date this before postings, so i'm front dating it now ^^

**PART 1**

**love letters**

If Renjun had to explain how he got himself into this _situation_ , he wouldn’t be able to give an exact answer. Maybe it had started when Jaemin suggested the whole thing, a "deal" between them. Or maybe at the moment he saw Donghyuck walking towards him, letter in hand, and Renjun had decided to run away.

Maybe it was when he wrote his first letter, to Yangyang, from summer camp. He was thirteen, and he was lovesick at the idea that they wouldn’t see each other again. So he wrote a letter, to express his feelings. A _love_ letter.

Then, he wrote another one. And another one. And another one.

There were four love letters. Letters saved under his bed, words that he would never ever show anyone.

Letters, words unread. Until one day they weren’t.

* * *

His letters went missing. He doesn’t know how, or when, but when he notices, the first thing he does is run to his mom to ask about them. She tells him she hasn’t seen them.

And really, all of this wouldn’t even matter if it wasn’t for the fact that one of those letters is for Donghyuck. Sure, the rest of them are embarrassing to say the least, but they're old, and addressed to people that aren’t really in his life anymore. Except for one. Donghyuck’s letter.

 _Donghyuck_ , his best friend for almost three years now.

And see, this is where things get complicated for Renjun.

It started off like this: Donghyuck being one of the last ones to get his growth spurt in their class. Then, in tenth grade, Donghyuck had spent all summer with his aunt’s family in Jeju, only to come back taller, shoulders broader and all of his baby fat gone. It was hard to miss Donghyuck’s skin glowing with a fresh summer tan, freckles all over his cheekbones.

That was the beginning of the end. Renjun started to notice the little things, like how when Renjun was making a joke Donghyuck's whole face lit up, tears in his eyes from laughing too hard. The way their fingertips touched for the slightest moments while handing one another the ice cream they bought together, when they had no more money after spending it on the cinema and food over the holidays.

Renjun had inevitably, irrevocably fallen in love with his best friend.

It was the best, to be this close to someone he loved, and at the same time, it was torture. Because even though Renjun loved Donghyuck, he loved being his best friend even more. He decided he wouldn’t lose him over his feelings. And so, he wrote a letter. Last year, when summer ended, he wrote a letter. It wasn’t the first one, but it was probably the most heartfelt and serious thus far. He did it to try to put his feelings into something, something that wasn't hidden gestures or kept words or thoughts that kept him awake at night.

Now, all of them gone, he wishes he never picked up the pen to write all of those stupid, _stupid_ love letters.

* * *

There’s only three people that have access to his room: his mom, his cousin Chenle, and Donghyuck. He doesn’t think Donghyuck took them, because he hasn’t been in his room since classes started— and he was hoping he didn’t, too, because if he did, Renjun might as well be dead.

Chenle has always been the mischievous one, the one who likes to pull pranks on everyone. It doesn’t help his case that the Friday before his letters went missing, they had fought because Renjun had teased him for his crush on Jisung.

What is he going to do? He needs to find his letters. He can’t let anyone read them. His chest is heavy, and he feels like he could start tearing up at any moment now, and moreover, he _can’t_ , because he’s in the bus, and there’s too many people around.

When he gets to school, he walks straight to Chenle’s locker.

“Did you take my letters? From under my bed?” he asks, out of breath. The hall is full at this hour, loud conversations going on around them, but Renjun’s voice is strong and clear.

“What?” Chenle asks, dropping one of his books onto his backpack before turning around with a smile. “Not even a hello to your favorite cousin?”

“Chenle.” Renjun groans. “This is serious. I need to find those letters. It’s important,” he insists. “Like, my life depends on it. Seriously!” He exclaims, putting both of his hands on Chenle’s shoulders.

Chenle’s smile gets wider. “What? Stop being so dramatic!”

“Please, just tell me!” Renjun exclaims, a sinking feeling in his stomach. “Please, tell me you have them.”

Chenle seems to consider it before shaking his head. “No,” he finally says, and Renjun feels like a cold bucket of water was poured him over. “Sorry, I don’t know what letters you’re talking about. I don’t have them.”

“Shit,” Renjun mutters. “Fuck. Okay, I’m fucked,” he says. Chenle gives him a confused stare. _So, the only option is that Donghyuck has them,_ he thinks, and it’s so frustrating, that he can’t do anything about it now. “It’s over for me, Chenle,” He laments. _“Over_. So over.”

“Okay, what’s wrong with you?” Chenle asks, putting an arm on his shoulder.

The bell rings, startling Renjun. “Shit,” he says, eyes wide. “Gotta dash. If you see Donghyuck, tell him you haven’t seen me, okay?”

“You’re acting really weird right now,” Chenle replies, and the worst part is that Renjun can’t blame him for thinking that. “Why would he even ask _me_ about you? You two share classes.”

“Believe me, he will,” he sings, voice cold with panic. The hall is now full of people, and he squints, trying to see if a certain familiar figure is amongst them. “Fuck, I gotta go, okay, bye!” he exclaims, sliding away before Chenle can question him any further.

* * *

His day goes a little something like this: hiding, classes, more hiding, another class, hiding for lunch, another class, and well, even more hiding.

He even skips Literature, the only class he shares with Donghyuck on Mondays, because what terrifies him more even than his mom seeing his attendance and grades is Donghyuck confronting him about the letter. He dreads confrontations with every cell of his body.

Surprisingly, by the end of the day, nothing happens. When last class comes around, he’s tired as hell, but at least he’s not as freaked out as he was this morning. He may be safe after all. It has been a day, almost an _entire_ day, and nothing. No texts, no missed calls, no “I need to talk to you”. Literally, _nothing_.

And if he wasn’t so relieved, he might have been thrown off by the fact that Donghyuck hasn’t contacted or approached him all day. But honestly, today he’s not going to push it.

Because, yeah, maybe nothing happened to his letters. Maybe his mom had accidentally threw them away while cleaning, and she didn’t remember. She did throw a lot of stuff into the trash. Renjun had always been messy, his room full of old things he never got around to disposing of himself. The idea of his letters in the trash would be million times better than Donghyuck finding out about them.

There’s only P.E. left now. And maybe Donghyuck hasn’t read his letter. Alright, he can do this.

He gets to the track, ready to start running with his group, when he sees Na Jaemin staring at him from afar. He turns around, to see if anyone else is there, anyone that might have caught Na Jaemin’s attention, because he's definitely not looking at Renjun.

 _Right_?

Except that Jaemin keeps walking closer and closer, and there’s no one around Renjun at the moment, so yes, maybe Na Jaemin is walking towards him.

“Hey,” Jaemin says, waving at him from afar.

Renjun waits for him to catch up, to confirm that it was him who he was talking about. But it is, as Jaemin stops in front of him.

Renjun stares at him dumbfoundedly before gulping. Jaemin is handsome, that much is obvious, but looking at him up close like this makes him weirdly jittery. “Oh—mmmh— _hey_?” he replies, awkward.

“Sorry to approach you out of nowhere, but I wanted to talk to you,” Jaemin says, his expression serious now.

“About?” Renjun asks, raising an eyebrow. Jaemin is never _this_ serious. Not that Renjun would know what Jaemin is really like, but still. From what he’s seen and heard, Jaemin is all smiles and laughs.

Jaemin shifts his weight from one leg to the other. He looks at the sky, sighing loudly, and for a second, he can’t believe what he’s seeing: Na Jaemin uncomfortable. The same guy who acts cute for literally no reason, who kisses and cuddles his friends, who laughs loudly at the cafeteria, who is always the center of attention. The same guy who seems to be struggling to get the words out right now.

Jaemin rummages through his backpack, and then, he finally meets Renjun’s eyes, handing a white envelope.

It’s familiar, and he recognizes it immediately. Shit, shit, _shit_.

“This letter,” Jaemin says, and Renjun gasps out loud without meaning to. That’s his fucking letter. The letter Renjun had written to him years ago, back in middle school, when they did a class project together. “Okay, I think it’s flattering that you like my lizard smile and my _dumb_ hair, and I appreciate the letter, backhanded compliments and all, but I’m not looking to date anyone right now, so I’m sorry, I—”

“Wait, sorry, what?” Renjun stops him, because Jaemin is talking too fast, and Renjun is still feeling dizzy and shocked.

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Jaemin repeats, looking at him with a funny expression. “I’m not looking for anyone right now, so I can’t—”

“Wait, are you rejecting me right now?” Renjun asks, confused, and he would be laughing, if this weren’t so painfully awkward. Jaemin seems confused by the question, eyeing him with a puzzled expression. Renjun sighs and starts talking again. “Jaemin, I don’t have feelings for you,” he explains, emphasizing every word. “I wrote this letter years ago, and it wasn’t for you to see.”

“Oh really? So you’re telling me you don’t feel anything for me?” Jaemin asks as he comes closer, putting on the smile he _knows_ Renjun likes, the corner of his lips tugging upwards. “Because this letter seemed pretty convincing to me. Very romantic and all.”

“Oh my god,” Renjun pushes him by the chest. “Shut up! I don’t even know you!”

“What was that?” Jaemin grins, waving the letter around. “Are you really telling your crush to shut up?”

“You’re annoying,” Renjun says, and Jaemin laughs, like he just hadn’t just insulted him. He seems like he’s about to say something, when Renjun sees a figure out of the corner of his eye, a figure he immediately recognizes as Donghyuck.

Donghyuck, his best friend, with Renjun’s love letter on his hand, walking towards him. Honestly, he doesn’t consider himself a coward, but right now, all his body is telling him to run for his life. This is bad. This is _really_ bad. Because if Donghyuck has his letter, he has surely read it by now. There’s no way he hasn’t. The envelope has Renjun’s name, and Donghyuck wouldn’t have missed it.

There’s also the fact that Donghyuck hasn’t come to face him directly after he received it. He’s had all day to say something about it, and he hasn't. Renjun doesn’t know what that means, exactly, but he knows one thing for sure.

Donghyuck knows about Renjun’s feelings.

And now, he’s royally, absolutely fucked.

“Jaemin—” Renjun swallows. “I’m sorry.”

Jaemin frowns. “For what?”

Renjun doesn’t think. He can’t back down now. He can’t let Donghyuck think he still has feelings for him. That he _loves_ him. So, he grabs Jaemin by his shirt, stopping all his thoughts, and pulls him in, and he can only feel sorry as Jaemin stumbles into him.

Jaemin’s eyes are wide open. “Okay, what are you—”

Renjun doesn’t let him finish. “Sorry,” he mumbles again, lost, looking at him from up close. The last thought that passes through his head before kissing him is, ironically, that Jaemin has really long and beautiful lashes. Doll-like lashes.

The kiss is short, close mouthed and awkward. But as soon as it’s over, Renjun can see Donghyuck looking at them with confusion written all over his face, mouth open and eyebrows furrowed.

“Okay, what?!” Jaemin asks, voice high. “What was that?”

“Sorry,” Renjun says for an answer, letting go of Jaemin, running a hand through his wrinkled shirt to smooth it over. “I gotta go,” he adds, taking a step back as Jaemin takes one forward.

“Renjun!” Jaemin calls after him. “Wait!”

“Sorry! I just— Sorry,” he says. Then, he starts running in the opposite direction of Donghyuck. He can feel everyone staring at him, but he doesn’t care.

He runs until he’s out of breath and he’s on the other side of the school, alone.

His breathing is ragged, heart beating fast in his chest as he locks himself in a bathroom stall. His hands are shaking, and he doesn’t know what to do, what to think. And maybe he is a coward. Because the truth is that he can’t do it.

He can’t face Donghyuck.

* * *

When the doorbell rings, he almost falls off his bed. He stands up quickly, peeking through the window, and right there is Donghyuck, standing on the front step. _Renjun's_ front step. He should have been expecting it, they only live two streets away— but today it seems like his brain is not being cooperative. He fell asleep on top of his bed, and now Donghyuck is outside his house.

There's no way Renjun can go down and face him yet, so he does the only thing he can. He asks Chenle for help.

It’s not that he doesn't want to talk, of course, but just… not today. He needs at least a day to recover from all of this, to think about what to say to Donghyuck when they are face to face. To think of all the possible scenarios, so he won’t be surprised or disappointed later.

He knows Donghyuck won’t stop being friends with him over that stupid letter, but what if… What if everything is weird after? What if nothing is like it was before? If something changes irreversibly between them?

Renjun feels sick at the idea alone.

So he tells Chenle to open the door for him, and not reveal that he’s here under any circumstance.

It works. He can hear the distant voices, a laugh, and then the door closing. Chenle goes up the stairs and comes straight to his room.

“It was Donghyuck,” Chenle says, as he plops down Renjun’s bed. “I told him you were at the library.”

“The library?” Renjun exclaims. He never goes to the library. He groans, throwing himself on the bed beside Chenle. “Okay, whatever, thank you.”

“What’s up with you? Why are you avoiding Donghyuck anyway?” Chenle asks, sitting on the bed, and Renjun groans again. “You’ve been acting weird today.”

“None of your business,” Renjun replies, because, really, what is there to say? That he wrote a love letter to his best friend and now he’s screwed?

“I lie for you, and this is what I get?” Chenle pouts.

“ _Yes_ ,” Renjun says.

Renjun stops the pillow thrown at him with his hand. It falls into the floor, and he frowns before taking the other pillow from his bed. He misses Chenle’s head by way too much.

It's Chenle who laughs first.

Renjun follows, and before he knows it, he ends up laughing so hard he's out of breath.

* * *

He wakes up to three missed calls and a bunch of texts from Donghyuck. He wants to ignore them, but the number of notifications haunts him, and he impulsively opens them right after he finishes showering, fingers still damp.

**hyuckie 16:50**

i know you’re here, renjun

i literally saw you through your window

can you please just open up? i need to talk to you

**hyuckie 16:55**

fine

i’ll leave

can we at least talk tomorrow?

chenle is a lousy liar btw

he told me you went to the fucking library

okay, please

just call me

Renjun lets out an exhale, locking his phone and putting it back on the countertop. Can he talk to Donghyuck today? Maybe. Yeah, probably. He’s still nervous, but he owes it to Donghyuck. He wasn’t honest with his feelings, and he wasn’t planning to, but now they are out in the open, and Renjun needs to explain— that it’s fine, that Donghyuck should forget about it, that they can move on and never talk about this again. That they can still be friends.

Now Renjun can only hope Donghyuck feels the same way.

.

He arrives at school earlier than he usually does. He speeds through his books and notes, shoving papers inside his bag before he’s walking away from his locker.

Jaemin’s locker is only one hallway away. And damn it, he’s already there, a book on his hand and his laptop on his other one. If he wasn’t, maybe he could have convinced himself that he did not need to talk to him.

But he is, so Renjun takes a deep breath, and comes closer. At least there aren’t many people here this early to witness his early funeral.

“Jaemin, hey,” Renjun says, voice wobbly.

Jaemin turns around, and his eyes are wide when he meets Renjun’s, before his expression changes to a more neutral one. He lifts an eyebrow, and turns around, facing his locker again. “Hi to you too, Renjun."

Renjun sighs. He doesn’t know what he was expecting, but he’s not good at dealing with people he doesn’t know, and right now, Jaemin isn’t making it easier.

“About yesterday...” he starts, putting his back against the row of lockers so he doesn’t have to stand awkwardly in the middle of the hallway. “I just… I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

“Okay,” Jaemin replies, lightly, coldly. He’s still not looking at Renjun. "You said that yesterday."

Renjun sighs again.

“I’m sorry, Jaemin,” Renjun tries again. “I’m really sorry, I know you didn’t want to kiss me and that I caught you by surprise, and it was wrong, but it was the only way I—”

“Renjun,” he interrupts, closing the locker softly and turning to finally look at him. “It’s fine,” Jaemin continues, wiping the serious expression off his face and replacing it with a hesitant smile. “I’m not mad at you, I just had a rough morning.”

“Oh, okay,” Renjun breathes in, relieved. “You got me there for a second.”

Jaemin lets out a laugh, and suddenly, the atmosphere isn’t as tense. “I gotta ask, though,” he says, closing his backpack. “Why did you? Kiss me, I mean,” Jaemin continues, putting his backpack on his shoulder. Renjun almost chokes on his spit at the question. “Because, like I said, I’m not interested in dating right now.”

“Oh my god, stop rejecting me!” Renjun exclaims. His ears are hot now, and he hates how embarrassed he is about this whole thing. “I told you it’s not like that.”

“You’re saying that,” Jaemin smiles, coming just a tad closer, “and yet, you were the one kissing me just yesterday.”

“I’ll punch you, Na,” Renjun says, furrowing his eyebrows. “I’ll punch if I have to.”

Jaemin laughs again, throwing his head back, and god, he shouldn’t be this attractive. He can’t be, right? It’s Na Jaemin, co-captain of the volleyball team, maybe a bit shallow but friendly to everyone and anyone. Renjun had a crush on him, yes, but that was a very long time ago.

“Fiery temper,” Jaemin says, still smiling. “Noted.”

Renjun shakes his head disapprovingly.

The silence that follows is uncomfortable, at least for Renjun. He never knows what to say to strangers, and now that he’s said what he came here to say and apologized, the first step of the plan to get his life back together is done.

He’s just going to say goodbye when Jaemin comes closer, nudging him with his elbow.

“So?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

Renjun lifts an eyebrow. “So, what?”

Jaemin smirks, and Renjun doesn’t like it one bit. “Why did you kiss me?”

Renjun groans, closing his eyes for a second. “Look,” he breathes out. “I said I’m sorry. I _had_ to kiss you, but it won’t happen again, I promise.”

“Don’t you think you owe me at least that? An explanation?” Jaemin tries, pouting like a five year old, and Renjun can’t believe that he’s seeing _the_ Na Jaemin pouting at him.

“No," Renjun rushes. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Oh, c’mon!” Jaemin nudges him again. “How bad can it be?”

“Bad,” Renjun replies, remembering the look on Donghyuck’s face, his own letter on his hand. He shudders. “Believe me, it’s very, very bad.”

“Please?” Jaemin tries, pouting again, and giving him these sad puppy eyes.

And it’s not that Renjun has to tell him, but… He hasn’t told anyone about this yet, and the secrecy is eating him alive. Jaemin is right here, offering to hear him, and it’s not like he cares about this whole situation. Objectively, he’s the perfect person to talk to.

Well— there’s also the kiss. He did feel guilty about it.

Renjun sighs. He looks around, and there’s definitely too many people in the hallways now to be talking about this in public, so he takes a step forward, and points at an empty classroom.

“What?” Jaemin asks. “Do we really have to?”

“Yes, we have to,” Renjun replies, taking him by the arm and dragging him into the classroom.

Renjun closes the door behind him and sighs. “You have to promise me you won’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you. This stays between us,” he warns, taking a step towards Jaemin. “It’s already too bad that even one person knows about this. That’s one too many, honestly. So, if you tell anyone, I swear to god I will do worse than just to punch you, Na Jaemin. I’m not above kicking your sorry ass.”

“Okay, chill! I promise,” Jaemin interrupts, punching his shoulder lightly. “Has anyone told you that you get chatty when you’re nervous?”

“I’m not chatty," Renjun huffs. “I’m not! I know sometimes I talk too fast, especially if I’m under pressure, but I’m definitely not… _chatty_.”

Jaemin laughs, putting his backpack on a chair. “Oh, really?”

“Okay, do you want me to tell you or not?”

“Fine,” Jaemin says, putting his hand up in surrender. “You’re not chatty, Renjun."

“That’s what I thought.”

Jaemin looks at him. This shouldn’t be too hard. Jaemin doesn’t care about this. It’s not like he can make it any worse. But still, Renjun’s palms are sweaty, and he has to take one one last breath before talking.

“Your letter…. it wasn’t the only letter I wrote. I wrote three more letters— _love letters_ , actually, and I think they were all sent out. One of them was for my best friend,” Renjun explains, and it’s like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He doesn’t feel fine, exactly, but he does feel a little better after admitting that out loud.

“Wait, you sent a letter to Donghyuck too?” Jaemin asks.

“You know him?”

Jaemin smiles. “Of course I know him, you always hang out with him.”

“Okay?” Renjun says, unsure. He didn’t even think of the possibility that Jaemin knew them at all. “Anyways,” he continues. It doesn't matter, now. “He had the letter yesterday. I saw it. He was coming to talk to me, and he had the letter in his hand, and I just.. I couldn’t face him. And I thought, maybe, if I kissed you—”

“That he would forget about the letter?”

“No,” Renjun shakes his head. He swallows. “That he wouldn’t think that I still love him.”

Jaemin opens his mouth, and then closes it. Renjun doesn’t know Jaemin much, but this has to be the first time he has ever seen him speechless.

“Okay, but why did you send the letters? If you didn’t want him to know," he asks.

“I didn’t,” Renjun replies. “I don’t know how they got sent out, but I didn’t do it. They weren’t meant to be seen by anyone, you know? I wrote them for myself. Not because I’m romantic, or whatever, it’s just— my way of dealing with it.” Renjun feels a new wave of dread hitting him, and he takes a quick breath. “They weren’t meant for anyone to be seen, but now my best friend has one of them. And he knows how I feel about him, when I didn’t want him to. Because he has a boyfriend.”

“I’m sorry,” Jaemin says. “I didn’t know about all of this but it sounds… like a lot,” he finishes.

“It’s okay,” Renjun sighs. “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

Jaemin sighs, turning around and rummaging through his backpack.

“Here,” he says, envelope on hand. “Your letter. You said this wasn't meant to be seen, so here, you can have it back.”

Renjun stares at the letter, and takes it. “Thank you, Jaemin.”

"No problem," Jaemin says, as Renjun puts the letter between his books and closes his backpack. “You know, I can help you, if you want... with Donghyuck.”

“How?” Renjun asks, lifting his eyes. How in the world could he help Renjun deal with this mess?

“Look, you don’t want him to think you have feelings for him, right?” Jaemin asks, and Renjun can only bring himself to nod. “That’s why you kissed me yesterday, so you could pretend you’re over him, and into me, right?”

Renjun nods again, not really following Jaemin’s train of thoughts.

“So, let’s date!” Jaemin says, putting his hands on Renjun’s shoulders. “Pretend to date, I mean,” he adds, seeing the scandalized look on Renjun’s face. “We can pretend to date, fake date, whatever! It would be perfect!”

“What?” Renjun exclaims, eyes wide. This doesn’t make any sense. How is this perfect? “Pretend to… _date_?” he asks.

“Yes!” Jaemin insists, smile wide and enthusiastic.

Renjun is still taken aback from the sudden idea, so he takes a second to pause and take a deep breath. Jaemin is proposing that they pretend to date each other. And yeah, maybe it could work for him. It would be a good excuse, a way to convince Donghyuck that they can move on from the letter, that Renjun _has_ moved on from those feelings.

“But like… why?” Renjun asks, not as enthusiastic as he’s feeling confused. Because yeah, it could work, but it also could become very messy really quickly.

“Because if you date me,” Jaemin replies, almost jumping, eyes shining. “Then Donghyuck will believe that you’re over him,” he explains, so hyper that Renjun could have thought that he was talking about a solution to the world’s worst problems instead of _this_ , whatever this is. “And then things can go back to normal between you two!”

“Okay,” Renjun says. That was what he was thinking before, and he can admit that it does make sense. For him, at least. To pretend date would mean he would have a cover up for this disaster. “But what’s in it for you?” he asks, suspicious. That’s the part he still can’t understand. “Why would you want to pretend to date me?”

“I have my reasons,” Jaemin says, a satisfied smile on his face.

Renjun waits for him to explain himself, but when Jaemin doesn’t continue, he takes a step back, and looks at him straight in the eyes. “Well, don’t you think you owe me at least that? An explanation?”

“Did you just... quote my own words?” Jaemin asks.

“No explanation, no deal,” Renjun deadpans. He's serious, but… he’s also curious.

It’s silent again for a few seconds, both gazing at each other, weighing each other up. Renjun is an expert at this, at staring down, and so he puts on his best hard look.

A few seconds later, Jaemin looks away, sighing.

“Fine,” he says, and Renjun smiles triumphantly. “You know how everyone thinks I have a thing... for Mark?”

Renjun almost laughs. “Don’t you? I mean it’s kind of… obvious,” he replies. And it is. Jaemin’s nice to everyone, but he worships the floor Mark walks on. Everyone in school knows about Jaemin's pining, except for Mark himself.

“I do,” Jaemin confesses. “I mean, _I did_ , past tense!"

“Sure,” Renjun replies, trying to not smirk at him.

"Hey! You’re in no position to criticize."

“Fair enough,” Renjun accepts.

“Can you let me finish?” Jaemin asks, exasperated. Renjun nods, urging him to continue with a hand gesture. “Okay, so everyone thinks I’m into Mark, but I want to move past that,” Jaemin sighs, looking at the ceiling. “This has haunted me for years. And yeah, I have dated a few times, but everytime the rumors mess everything up and… I don’t know, it seems like this is something I can never get behind me, you know?”

“Yeah,” Renjun agrees. He feels a tiny bit guilty, because even though he’s never been a big fan of gossip or whatever, he’s definitely partaken a few times in conversations about Jaemin’s obvious crush on Mark. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Jaemin sighs again, pausing to seemingly compose himself. Renjun lets him.

“So,” Jaemin says, breaking the silence. “Are you in?” he asks, loud and cheerful again, like he wasn’t talking about his unrequited crush just a minute ago.

“I don’t know yet, to be honest,” Renjun replies as he takes his backpack from the floor. “But I’ll think about it.”

Jaemin gapes at him. “What? But you said—”

The bell rings, and Renjun takes a step towards the exit as Jaemin throws his own backpack on his shoulder to follow him.

“I have to run to class! Bye, Jaemin,” he says, laughing.

“I can’t believe you! Renjun, wait!” Jaemin exclaims behind him, but the sound gets muffled by the bell and the turmoil in the hallway.

Renjun runs to class with a smile on his face.

.

He doesn’t reply to any of Donghyuck’s messages. He will, today, definitely… After lunch... _maybe_. When he’s ready and his palms don’t sweat every time he as much as opens Donghyuck’s chat on his phone. He needs to calm down, and process that this is all gonna happen today. So, he doesn’t reply.

By the end of the day, he doesn’t feel any more prepared than he was in the morning, but he knows this has been dragged long enough. Donghyuck wants to talk. Donghyuck deserves an explanation from him, and Renjun is going to give him one. They’ll talk, no more hesitation! End of story!

After the bell rings, he’s determined. He’s going to do this. He walks, slowly but surely, to the music room. Donghyuck is usually there after school, for an hour or so. They hang out there a lot, him and Renjun. Donghyuck usually practices his singing while Renjun mostly spends his time drawing mindlessly in his tablet, sometimes joining Donghyuck in his signing practice.

He walks down the hallway, taking deep breaths to calm himself down, and that’s when he sees it, through the window across the hall. The sun is starting to go down, and the lightning in the room is not the best, but Renjun sees it clearly from where he is standing. It’s Donghyuck.

And Mark. _Kissing_.

He stops dead on his feet, and for a second it feels like all the air was knocked out of his lungs. He stares at them, at Donghyuck and Mark, and it’s uncomfortable, to watch something that clearly wasn’t meant to be seen, not by anyone, and specially not by him.

Renjun knew that Donghyuck had a boyfriend, and he had given Donghyuck space to sort it all out, but he had never, in a hundred years, expected it to be someone from the same school, to be someone they both know. _Mark_.

He feels a pang on his chest, and it hurts.

It hurts so much.

He turns around, and he runs.

* * *

He goes to his house straight away, and locks himself in his room. He can’t help but feel betrayed, and it’s stupid, it’s all so stupid. His eyes are dry, but his chest hurts and his throat feels tight. Still, he can’t cry over this.

He paces around his room, thinking, reliving it all again in his head, trying to make peace with it. Donghyuck deserves a chance to explain himself too. He didn’t do anything wrong per se.

But if that’s really true… Why does it hurt this much?

* * *

He goes out of his house in a hurry. If he’s fast enough, he can catch Jaemin after practice. Mark had said a few times that they practice Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday for an hour and half after school.

He’s just out of the door when his phone starts to ring, and he almost ignores the call, but then he realizes it’s not Donghyuck, but an unknown number. He sighs, picking it up as he tries to move the bike.

“Hello?” he says between his teeth, mentally cursing the heavy bike.

“Renjun,” the person at the other end of the line replies. “Did you think about what I said?”

Renjun stops the bike, almost out of balance, putting his feet on the ground quickly so he doesn’t fall off. “Very cryptic, Jaemin,” he huffs, annoyed. But the timing is perfect. He doesn’t have to ride this lame bike to school. “And yes, I did think about it.”

“Really?” Jaemin speaks, voice all too teasing, like he already knows what Renjun is going to say next. “And have you come to a decision?”

“Yes,” Renjun breathes out, and he can’t believe he’s doing this right now, but it’s now or never. “The answer is yes, I’ll pretend to date you, or whatever,” he lets out, leaving the bike on the grass before walking back to his house.

“Great!” Jaemin replies. “Shit, gotta go. Yukhei is calling me. I’ll see at school!”

“Yeah, but, wait—” Renjun tries, but Jaemin has already ended the phone call.

Just like that, it’s done.

It's a risky move, but it’s his best shot. Now, he can only hope that this doesn’t backfire and explode in his face later on.

* * *

**PART 2**

**the downsides of fake dating**

Next morning, there aren’t any missed calls or new messages. He doesn’t know if he feels disappointed, scared, or lonely, or all three at the same time. Donghyuck wouldn’t chase him forever, especially if he didn’t receive any response from his part. That much made sense to Renjun, it really did, but it still hit him, because he was driving his friend away, and it was all his own fault.

He gets to school with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He walks to his locker, feeling anxious for his first class. At least he shares that class with Jeno, but he also shares it with Donghyuck, and he doesn’t want things to be awkward between the three of them.

“Hey baby,” a voice besides him says, startling him and making him drop his backpack to the floor.

“You!” he accuses, picking up the bag with a groan, as Jaemin starts laughing. “Very funny, Jaemin! You scared me.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Jaemin replies, smiling. Renjun almost believes him. He rummages through his locker again, so he can put some distance between their faces.

Jaemin doesn’t seem to take the hint as he moves closer to him, resting against the locker next to his. “Are you ready for your first day as my amazing boyfriend, baby?” he asks, leaning into Renjun’s personal space.

And yes, Renjun doesn’t know Jaemin much, but after their few interactions, he can say with confidence that Na Jaemin is a fucking menace.

“First of all,” he says, moving back so he can shut the door of his locker close. “Stop calling me baby,” he demands, shuddering. He’s never liked pet names. “God, we need rules.”

“What?” Jaemin asks, as they start walking together, trying to navigate through the crowded hall. “Why rules? Way to take the fun out of a situation, Injunnie!”

“Nothing about this is fun!” he exclaims, raising his arms, exasperated. “And we need rules because you can't go around calling me _baby_ out of nowhere.”

“Fine,” Jaemin agrees. “Let’s meet after class to sort it out. But we’re eating waffles, and it’s on you.”

“I never agreed to that," Renjun complains. Why does he have to pay? He doesn’t even like waffles!

“I never agreed to rules either,” Jaemin argues back, and Renjun is about to say something back when the bell rings. Jaemin smiles and pushes him through the crowd forming at the end of the hall. “Let’s get to chem. You’re sitting with me today!”

“What? Why?” Renjun asks, his mind already thinking of Jeno and Donghyuck seeing them together.

“Because you’re my boyfriend!” Jaemin replies, winking at him shamelessly. “Boyfriends sit together!”

Renjun fakes a gag.

* * *

Jeno, fortunately or not, is already sitting with Donghyuck when they get to class. At least it saves him the awkwardness of considering if he should go sit with Jeno or not. He waves at him from afar, an uncomfortable smile on his face. Jeno waves back, as Donghyuck pretends to be busy on his phone. Renjun sighs as Jaemin pulls him down to sit beside him.

Renjun doesn’t look back until the lesson is over, but he can feel the weight of everyone’s stares. And of course, they haven’t been seen together before— let alone talked, so he gets it. It’s weird to see them sitting together. But if that’s weird, what would everyone think if they started dating? Renjung sighs.

What if this wasn’t such a good idea after all?

When the class ends, he stands up as fast as he can, but Jaemin takes his hand before he can dash out of the room.

“What?” Renjun asks, staring at their touching hands with wariness. He looks up, and Jaemin opens his mouth, probably about to go on a speech about how they are _boyfriends, they have to hold hands_ , when someone clears his throat besides them. It’s Donghyuck.

Donghyuck, looking at Renjun with hard eyes, mouth curled downwards.

“Hey,” he says, “Jaemin. _Renjun._ Do you have time? I need to talk to you.”

“Oh,” Renjun mutters, nervous. Surprised. “Maybe later, okay?” he says, as softly as he can. "I have Psych now, and Jaemin already promised to buy me something from the cafeteria," he explains, and he can see Jaemin suppressing a smile besides him. He wants to elbow him to erase that stupid expression off his face, but he can’t, with Donghyuck looking at them. "What do you say after school?”

“Yeah, okay” Donghyuck sighs, now looking at their intertwined hands. "That's fine."

“The usual place?” Renjun asks, uncomfortable. He tries to remove his hand from Jaemin’s hold, but Jaemin doesn't budge.

“Alright, yeah," Donghyuck agrees, giving them a final look before turning around and leaving with Jeno.

Renjun sighs, and after making sure they are on the clear, he pulls his hand away from Jaemin’s.

"What was that about?" Jaemin sneers. "So now I have to buy you food, as your dutiful boyfriend?" he asks.

“That’s what you decide to take out of that conversation?” Renjun huffs, slapping his arm for good measure. "It was just an excuse," he adds, making his way out the classroom.

Jaemin follows him. "Let's go," he says, a smile on his face. "I can buy you something, if you want."

"No, it's okay," he shakes his head. “Sorry to put you on the spot like that. For the second time, ugh.”

“I don’t mind, it’s what we agreed on,” Jaemin says, tilting his head. "But are you okay? You seem..." he trails off, “Off.”

"Yeah," Renjun lets out a soft smile. "Don't worry. It’s just a lot."

Jaemin nods. “Yeah, I get it".

They are close to the the lockers now, and Renjun thinks this is it, this is where they go their separate ways. He’s going to say goodbye when Jaemin smiles, and insists on them going to the cafeteria anyway, even if it's just so the both of them can be seen together publicly. It takes a lot of pushing and convincing, but in the end, Renjun sighs, and accepts the muffin from Jaemin’s hand with resignation as they both sit down on one of the tables.

“You never give up, do you?” he asks, biting the muffin. It’s good, lemon and blueberries. He hums appreciatively. “What would you have you done if I had said no to your proposal?”

“I would have chased you down until I convinced you,” Jaemin says, a bright smile on his face. At this point, Renjun thinks it’s his default expression. “Why?”

“Just curious,” Renjun says. Jaemin is interesting, that much he can give him, even if he’s also annoying and shameless.

They both stay silent for a second, and he can’t help but let his mind wander off, thinking about Donghyuck, about meeting him in the music room, and about what he saw yesterday.

Renjun clears his throat. "Hey," he says, looking at Jaemin from the corner of his eyes. "Do you happen to know who's Donghyuck’s boyfriend?”

"No," Jaemin replies, letting out a surprised huff. He has a cup of coffee between his hands, and he takes a sip before continuing. "Why would I know?"

“Never mind.”

He bites the last bit of his muffin thoughtfully, feeling kind of bad for Jaemin. If Jaemin doesn’t know about this, he probably also doesn’t know that Mark is seeing someone right now. Or maybe he just doesn’t know it’s Donghyuck who he’s seeing. Between those two options, he doesn’t know what’s worse.

"Are we still meeting after school? To discuss the rules,” Renjun asks. “You have practice today anyways, right?”

“Yeah, I do,” Jaemin answers, looking at him with a smile. “I can meet you after that.”

“Okay, I’ll text you after I’m done talking with Donghyuck then,” he replies, munching the last bit of his muffin.

"Sure!” Jaemin agrees, and then, he ruffles his hair, winking. “I gotta go. See you around, _baby_.”

He says it with such delight that it irks Renjun instantly.

“I hate you,” Renjun groans, but Jaemin only laughs before standing up from his seat.

_Feeling bad, my ass._

.

Renjun’s day is pretty uneventful, apart from the incident with Donghyuck in the morning, but he spends most of it feeling anxious about the upcoming talk with him. After last class, like always, the bell rings, and on cue, Renjun’s heart starts speeding up, beating painfully in his chest.

But he can’t drag this out any longer. So he stands up and marches towards the music room with resolution.

With each of the steps he takes he feels less and less brave, and by the time he’s outside the room, he has to take a few deep breaths and give himself another motivational speech before opening the door. He does, with too much force, and he stumbles inside the familiar room, almost tripping on his feet.

Donghyuck is there already, looking at him with wide eyes at first, and a cautious expression two seconds later. They stare at each other, and Renjun swallows before closing the door behind him.

“Hey,” Renjun greets, feeling every part of his body tensing up.

“Hi,” Donghyuck says, looking at him with a serious expression from his spot on the table. Renjun walks closer, sliding into the same table, but putting some distance between them. He lets his backpack slip to the floor.

They sit there, silent, not even looking at each other before Donghyuck sighs. “I’m… I’m just glad you came.”

Renjun nods, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. “Me too,” he replies, voice soft. He’s glad he’s here too. He’s glad Donghyuck took the first step— the first few steps, if he’s being honest, but now it’s on Renjun’s hands to make things right. “Donghyuck, I’m sorry. For everything, I—”

“You better be!” Donghyuck interrupts, almost choking on his words. “I’ve been trying to talk to you for two days!”

“I know! And I’m sorry,” Renjun tries, feeling terrible about Donghyuck’s wavering voice. “I was just... overwhelmed.”

“And you think I wasn’t?” Donghyuck reproaches, and it’s like a clean stab to Renjun’s heart. “Renjun, that letter you wrote—”

“No!” he exclaims, facing Donghyuck. “Before you say anything else, can we… I mean... Can you hear me out first? I need to explain,” Renjun asks, feeling so incredibly selfish. He’s been selfish. About his feelings. About his response. He’s been so selfish about everything. “You deserve an explanation,” he continues. “After that you can say anything you want. You can even swear at me if you want,” he jokes, even though he can't even bring himself to laugh.

“Fine,” Donghyuck concedes, crossing his legs under the table, and looking straight at him. “Talk.”

“I—” Renjun starts, looking out of the window before continuing. It’s hard to do this. He needs to do it, but it isn’t any less hard. He looks back at Donghyuck. “I liked you,” he admits. And even if Donghyuck already knows it, saying it out loud makes Renjun feel a sudden rush of emotion. “I liked you for a long time.”

“But why didn’t you tell me before?” Donghyuck asks, loud and exasperated. “Why did you say that to me over a _letter_?”

“I didn’t tell you because I was afraid,” he answers, trying to maintain his composure. He swallows the knot in his throat and continues. “I know you didn’t feel the same way I did, and I didn’t want our friendship to change. I knew that by saying this, I would have put a burden between us, and I just… I just didn’t want that!” he says, his voice almost breaking. “So I wrote a letter, _that_ letter.” Donghyuck is scowling at him, biting his lip, and Renjun knows he’s now biting back his words. “But I didn’t send it, Donghyuck. You have to know that I didn’t send it. I kept it for myself.”

“Then how did it get to me?”

“I don’t know,” Renjun replies, shaking his head. “It was hidden, I don’t know how it got sent,” he says. It’s the truth, but even to his own ears it sounds ridiculous. “You have to believe me, Donghyuck,” he pleads. “I wrote that letter a year ago. I had those feelings for you back then, yes, but I got over them,” he tries. “Eventually, with time… I just got over them. I never intended for you to read what I wrote, I swear.”

“So now what?” Donghyuck asks. “You’re over me and you have a thing with _Jaemin_?”

“Yeah,” Renjun says, and it feels wrong to say, to lie, but with Jaemin in the picture, everything seems more plausible, and less like a poor excuse. He doesn’t want to lose Donghyuck. “I like him,” Renjun lets out, “like, a lot,” he finishes lamely.

“You like him _a lot_?” Donghyuck mocks. “How did that even happen? And why didn’t you tell me about it, Renjun?”

“Like you told me about your boyfriend?” Renjun immediately snaps. He regrets it as soon as he says it, and he sighs, putting a hand on Donghyuck’s thigh. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that,” he tries, but Donghyuck is looking at his hand with narrowed eyes.

They both stay silent after that, and Renjun can’t believe that this is how things are turning out. “We all have our reasons, right? To keep secrets.”

Donghyuck snorts. “Yeah, it seems like we do.”

“Donghyuck,” he reaches out, shifting his hand to his shoulder so Donghyuck looks at him. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why that letter got sent, and I’m sorry you had to read it. I’m sorry I avoided you, I was scared and overwhelmed and embarrassed,” he explains, trying to put every bit of the emotions he has felt in the past few days into his words. “But I’m not sorry I didn’t tell you about Jaemin,” he continues, feeling like a hypocrite. “I couldn’t just yet. I thought you would understand that.”

“Why?” Donghyuck asks, looking at him with fiery eyes. Renjun likes his eyes so much, he loves Donghyuck’s expressive eyes, even right at this moment. “Why would I understand that?”

“Because you didn’t tell you about your boyfriend,” Renjun says, resigned. The name _Mark_ feels heavy on his throat, but it’s not his place to say it. He wants it to be Donghyuck to say it. “It’s been weeks, Donghyuck. And I never, not once, pressured you into saying who it was.”

“Renjun, I…” Donghyuck trails off, and he opens his mouth and closes it a few times, like he’s thinking, struggling with words. “It’s Mark,” he finally says, and it’s now out in the open. “Mark’s my boyfriend,” he repeats. “I couldn’t tell you because it’s complicated,” Donghyuck says, sighing. “Mark doesn’t want to hurt Jaemin, and I didn’t...”

Renjun can feel his cheeks heating up. He knows where this is going. “You didn’t what, Donghyuck?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” he admits, and it’s like a stab to Renjun’s heart.

“So you _knew_?” Renjun asks, narrowing his eyes.

“No!” Donghyuck quickly denies, putting his hands up. “I didn’t know you...” Donghyuck says. “I just didn’t want you to feel lonely, Renjun. I didn’t want us to change, either. I’m just… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

Renjun breathes out. Donghyuck had told him the truth, in the end. And it wasn’t like Renjun had any right to know everything about Donghyuck, even if they were best friends. He had hidden his feelings for a long time. Sometimes, it’s just complicated like that.

“You don’t have to be sorry for that,” Renjun says, and then, he punches Donghyuck in the shoulder. “But you should have trusted me! I would have supported you.”

Donghyuck chuckles, the sound throaty and closed off, like he was holding back his tears. “I know, I know. I was stupid,” he accepts, rubbing his shoulder. “But so were you!”

“We were,” Renjun agrees, holding back a laugh. “Literally so stupid. I’m sorry for being stupid.”

“I’m sorry too,” Donghyuck says. “Stupid together?” he asks, standing up from the table with a small smile, and extending a hand for Renjun to take.

“Stupid together,” Renjun replies, taking Donghyuck’s hand and jumping off the table.

“Should we hug or something?” Donghyuck asks, looking at him like he’s actually considering it. “This was pretty sentimental.”

“Fuck no,” Renjun laughs. “No hugging needed.”

“Good,” Donghyuck says, but he comes closer and hugs him anyways. “God, I’ve missed you so much. I had no one to annoy these days. Mark and Jeno are busy, and Chenle was always either nagging me to talk to you or hanging out with Jisung.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Renjun says, counting to three before he pushes Donghyuck lightly with a laugh. So Chenle had been asking Donghyuck to talk to him? He makes a mental note to nag him later. Maybe thank him too.

“So,” Donghyuck says, putting both of his hands on his hips and smirking, and damn, Renjun knows that smile all too well. “You have to tell me everything about Jaemin!” he exclaims, and Renjun can feel himself tensing again. “But now that I think about it… Wait, didn’t he have a crush on Mark? Is that over now?”

“Uh, yeah, it’s totally over! You know, the thing with Mark." He keeps it vague. He hopes he isn’t as unconvincing as he thinks he sounds. “I should get going, actually. I have a date with Jaemin now,” he explains, looking at Donghyuck attentively, trying to pick up on any signs that he didn’t believe him.

“Wait, what? Can’t you spare some time to tell your best friend about your secret love affair? We haven’t spoken in days!” Donghyuck complains, pouting at him, and Renjun feels so ridiculously happy to see that familiar pout.

“If anyone has a secret love affair, it’s you!” he retorts. “We can catch up tomorrow. Hot pot?” he proposes, knowing he has Donghyuck’s full attention now. He hopes it works. He can’t screw this up. “On me.”

“Fuck yes! But c’mon! Details, I need details!” Donghyuck insists. “Like, when did you start hanging out? How was your first kiss? Oh my god, did you two do it already? Because if—”

“No, oh my god!” Renjun interrupts him, scandalized. He sighs. There is no way out of this. Donghyuck will question him sooner or later, anyway. “We started hanging out because he’s friends with Jisung. One time I was hanging out with Chenle and Jisung, and he came to pick Jisung up. I opened the door so we said hi,” he explains, knowing that at least this part is true. He once heard that when you make up a lie, you have to include as many details as you can, because that makes it more believable, so he tries to do exactly that. “We started to notice each other,” he continues, trying to sound as casual as he can. “And yes, we kissed, on my bed, after school. It was nice,” Donghyuck squeals, eyes wide open. “No questions about sex! Gross!”

“Okay, fine!” Donghyuck yells, crossing his arms.

Renjun laughs awkwardly, taking his phone out of his back pocket, a bit too quickly, and unlocking the screen so he doesn’t have to look at Donghyuck. “Oh, wait, Jaemin is texting me,” he says, saving Jaemin’s number on his phone.

“Okay, you can go then, love bird,” Donghyuck says, smiling. “But expect a full interrogation tomorrow, okay? And you have to introduce us.”

“Yeah, alright,” Renjun agrees without thinking. He has to settle things with Jaemin, _today_. He takes his backpack from the floor, and gives Donghyuck a smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“You sure as hell will,” Donghyuck says, putting a hand on his shoulder lightly, and Renjun smiles at his enthusiasm. It’s almost like nothing happened. But Renjun knows from the way Donghyuck seems to hesitate when he wants to touch him, that they are not quite there yet. “Have fun on your date!”

“Thanks,” Renjun smiles, waving at him. He turns around, walking slowly, and when he’s out of the room, he lets himself lose the smile altogether.

.

He calls Jaemin when he’s outside school.

He’s texted him twice now with no response, and he hadn’t really thought of asking for directions to the waffle restaurant they are supposed to be going to, so now he’s stuck. He has to get out of here quickly, because he doesn’t want to run the risk of running into Donghyuck.

Jaemin picks up after the fifth ring. Renjun feels an immediate wave of relief wash him over.

“Hey, Injunnie,” Jaemin says, voice unsteady, like he’s running out of air. “Sorry, I was showering just now, but I’ll be on my way out soon.”

“I’m at the gates,” Renjun replies, looking left and right. There aren’t many people outside at this hour. “Can you hurry?”

“No, unless you want to see me naked,” Jaemin laughs. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

Renjun hangs up.

.

Renjun gets down to business as soon as they sit down inside the waffle restaurant.

“First of all, no pet names,” he declares, “no calling me _baby_ or whatever.”

Jaemin loses his usual smile immediately. “But—”

“No buts,” Renjun interrupts. He’s decided on this particular topic, and he won’t relent, not even one bit.

Jaemin stares at him, before leaning against the chair. “Fine. What about dates? Kissing?”

“No kissing,” Renjun immediately replies, remembering Jaemin's long lashes and his chapped lips against his, for the tiniest of moments. He shakes his head, trying to stay away from the memory. “Just hand holding.”

“What? But who would believe we are dating if we never kiss?” Jaemin complains.

“We can do other stuff!” Renjun argues, and he can already feel the headache he’s going to get from this conversation. “You can hug me from time to time, I guess. Hold my hand, buy me food at school, I don’t know. Be creative!”

“But that’s all stuff I’m doing for you,” Jaemin accuses, crossing his arms over his chest. “What are _you_ doing for _me_?” he asks, pointing at himself with his thumb.

“I’ll come to your games and cheer on you,” Renjun replies, remembering the times Chenle has dragged him to one of Jisung’s basketball games. It could work. It’s public, and lots of people from school are there.

“Then you have to come to the after parties too,” Jaemin adds, smiling to himself.

“What? No!” Renjun exclaims. He’s gone to parties before (one, if he’s being honest), with Donghyuck, and while it’s not that bad, it’s also not his favorite thing to do. Never mind one with Jaemin as his boyfriend. _Fake_ boyfriend.

“Renjun! It’s important, everyone will be there,” Jaemin insists, putting both of his arms on the table and coming closer to him. “ _Mark_ will be there. Please! I need you to work with me here.”

Renjun groans. “Fine! I will go to the stupid parties,” he says between gritted teeth. “I guess I’ll sit with you in the classes we share,” he adds. That would work for the both of them. “And I’ll have lunch with you on Mondays.” The cafeteria is mostly Jaemin’s territory, so this one is for him. “But you have to meet Donghyuck!”

“I don’t mind,” Jaemin agrees easily. “And what about dates? You never answered that question,” Jaemin pauses. “Yeah, I could take you out on cute dates.”

“I think what we have is convincing enough,” Renjun says. What would they even do together? It’s not like they have anything in common, apart from school. “I don’t think _actually_ dating is a good idea.”

“Really? Cause I’ve been told I’m an excellent date,” Jaemin says, smirking.

“And what makes you think I wanna date you?” Renjun asks, raising his eyebrows.

He hums nonchalantly. “Well, other than the very romantic love letter you wrote me—”

Renjun cheeks heat up immediately, and he points a finger threateningly at him. “Stop using the letter against me!”

“Fine! I was just kidding,” Jaemin laughs, putting both his hands in the air to pretend innocence. Then he clears his throat. “Can we have at least one date? So I have something for instagram,” he insists. “That’s the last thing I’ll ask for, I promise!”

Renjun sighs with resignation. “Fine. One stupid fake date.”

Jaemin smiles. “Deal.”

And just like that, over waffles, chocolate chip cookies and boba, all the rules are set.

* * *

**PART 3**

**fake dating 101**

The first week isn’t as bad as Renjun thought it would be, but it’s still pretty awkward. Not for Jaemin, of course, because he’s really good at the whole fake dating thing. He’s a natural flirt, and he’s very touchy too. On the other hand, Renjun isn’t used to all the hugging, smiles, and gestures Jaemin always has for him when they are out in public.

When they sit down for lunch next Monday, he sits in front of Jaemin on purpose, trying to put some space between them, at least during the next half an hour. It works because Jaemin’s friends are there, talking loudly, and Renjun can happily eat his meal while not contributing much to the conversation. That is, until Jaemin notices. Of course he does.

Jaemin smiles at him, and raises an eyebrow. Renjun gives him a weak smiles back, and shakes his head. Jaemin nods, understanding, and keeps talking with Yukhei and Hyunjin about last week's practice. Apparently, Hyunjin had accidently thrown a volleyball at Yukhei, who was distracted texting someone in the middle of the court. The ball had landed right on his ass.

Renjun lets out a laugh, almost choking on the juice he was drinking. Everyone looks at him, and Renjun gulps.

“Sorry, Yukhei,” Renjun says sheepishly. “But that was funny.”

“Don’t apologize,” Jaemin replies, smiling. “Everyone was laughing at him.”

“My ass hurt all weekend, you know?” Yukhei groans. “My poor ass.”

Hyunjin shrugs, looking apologetic even with the tiny smile on his face. “Sorry for hurting your ass, Yukhei.”

“And laughing about it,” Yukhei adds with a serious voice, but he’s grinning, his smile all teeth.

“And laughing about it,” Hyunjin repeats, nodding.

Jaemin laughs at that, and Renjun can’t help but grin.

.

After they are done with their lunch, Renjun waits for Jaemin to stand up to do the same. It’s only five minutes before the next class that he does.

He gathers his things slowly, and says bye to Jaemin’s friends with a smile, as Jaemin does the same. They walk side by side towards the exit, and that’s when Jaemin decides to take his pinky finger and interlace it with his own.

Renjun almost pulls away, surprised, even though their hands were brushing too much to be accidental. In the end, he manages to contain himself, and he lets Jaemin hold his pinky. He doesn’t even blush, like he was afraid of doing.

“You okay? You seem a bit off,” Jaemin says, as they walk slowly towards the main hall. “I’ll walk you to your locker today,” he adds in a whisper.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Renjun mutters, distracted.

There’s a lot of people walking around at this hour, as it’s just before class, and Jaemin attracts attention, wanted or not. Renjun tries to ignore the stares, but he can’t help but feel observed. He shakes his head. Maybe he was just being paranoid.

“So, what did you think?” Jaemin says, interrupting his train of thought. They are close to Renjun’s locker now, and it makes him jittery, because he doesn’t know how he’s going to say goodbye today. Usually Jaemin puts a hand on his shoulder and smiles at him, but this time they are in public, and it’s the perfect opportunity to make a move, to put their plan into action.

“Not as bad as I thought it would be,” Renjun hums.

“Not as bad? My friends are nice!” Jaemin exclaims, a hand on his chest like he’s offended.

“I didn’t say they weren’t!” Renjun responds, knowing that Jaemin is joking, but unable to contain himself. They stop by Renjun’s locker, and Jaemin looks at him.

“But you implied it,” he says, an amused smile on his face.

Renjun pushes him away lightly, pulling their hands apart. “I did not!”

“Did too,” Jaemin jokes, coming closer again, and Renjun almost takes a step back, but stands still instead.

“Shut up,” he says.

Jaemin laughs. “Feisty!”

They are silent for a few seconds, and Renjun tenses, expecting Jaemin to say something else. Jaemin stares at him with a smile, and Renjun claps his hands together, awkward.

“Well!” Renjun finally says, a bit too loud. “See you around?”

Jaemin comes a few inches closer, and puts a hand on his waist. “See you around, Junnie,” he says.

Renjun swallows, wanting to reciprocate the gesture, but before he has time to respond, Jaemin turns around on his feet, and walks away.

.

Donghyuck is waiting for him in his locker after their last class. Renjun stops walking when he sees him there, his legs frozen into place. Someone pushes him from behind, and he quickly apologizes before walking again. They haven’t even talked much about the Jaemin-situation since that time in the music room, but he knows better than to think Donghyuck has forgotten about it.

“Hyuck,” Renjun says, smiling at him. Donghyuck takes a step back from his locker, giving Renjun space to open it.

“Hi,” Donghyuck says. “Hey, you’re famous now,” he adds with a teasing voice.

“What?” Renjun asks, taken aback.

Donghyuck laughs. “Yeah! People are wondering why you are suddenly _so_ close with Jaemin,” he explains, and Renjun groans internally. “Even Jeno asked me about it this morning.”

And okay, Renjun knows he —quite literally— did sign up for this, and that this only means their plan is working, but… it’s still a lot to digest.

“What did you say to Jeno?” he asks, breathing in.

“That you’re his boyfriend!” Donghyuck replies.

“Okay,” Renjun mutters. It’s a good thing that Donghyuck is saying they are boyfriends. “This is...” he says, closing his locker, “so _weird_.”

“I know,” Donghyuck smiles, putting a hand on his shoulder as they start walking down the hall. “But it’s not a bad thing, right? I mean, I don’t know Jaemin much, but his group seems cool.”

“Yeah,” Renjun agrees, biting his lip. Mark is part of Jaemin’s group, so he’s obviously included in Donghyuck’s words. But are they talking about this? Is this a safe topic? Because the name _Mark_ hasn’t come out in any of their conversations yet. Renjun decides to not risk it by bring it up. “I like Yukhei the most,” he says instead. “He’s really nice.”

“Mark has told me about him!” Donghyuck drops the bomb, just like that. Renjun lets out a panicked chuckle. “Mark and Jaemin are really close to him, I think.”

Renjun hums. “Makes sense.”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck says, putting his arm down and stopping their walk as he checks his phone. “Do you want to hang out in the music room?” he asks, casually.

“ _Yes_ ,” Renjun says, all too quickly. He doesn’t even mind. He’s missed this. “I’d like that a lot.”

Donghyuck puts his phone back into his pocket, and smiles at him.

.

Renjun receives Jaemin’s messages later, when he’s already at home, lying in bed. He’s playing on his phone while simultaneously thinking of all the homework he’s supposed to be doing at the moment, when the notification pops up on the screen. He loses concentration, and the words _Game over_ play on the screen quickly after _._ He groans, opening his messages.

**na jaemin 18:30**

hey

can you come to practice tomorrow?

so the team sees us together after practice

i’ll buy u something to eat after if u want

（ ´∀｀）♡

Renjun doesn’t know if he’s more surprised at the use of cute emojis, or at the request itself. He’s not sure how long he’ll have to wait for practice to end if he agrees, but he can do other things while waiting. He figures it isn’t a bad idea, because Mark is on the team, and Mark talks to Donghyuck, so it could benefit the both of them.

He decides to mess with Jaemin a bit first, though.

**renjunnie 18:35**

that wasn’t part of the deal

The reply to his message comes fast, and he smiles.

**na jaemin 18:35**

please? (●´⌓`●)

just this once

mark asked me about you today

**renjunnie 18:36**

so?

**na jaemin 18:36**

so? the plan is working! Σ(‘◉⌓◉’)

but i need the whole team to know so it gets spread around

yukhei’s girlfriend waits for him sometimes

i think it would look good

**na jaemin 18:37**

C’MON

HELP ME OUT

o┤*´Д｀*├o

I’LL BUY YOU FOOD

Renjun rolls around in bed, supporting his weight on his elbows, a smirk on his face.

**renjunnie 18:38**

whatever i want?

**na jaemin 18:38**

yes, whatever u want!

**renjunnie 18:39**

fine

i’ll go

**na jaemin 18:40**

perfect

(｡♥‿♥｡)

see you

* * *

The wait isn’t boring. He distracts himself by playing on his phone and scrolling through his twitter feed. He doesn’t pay much attention to the game itself, though, as it’s too fast to keep up the pace, and he doesn't understand much of it anyways. He vaguely remembers Chenle watching Haikyuu, but he never watched it himself, so he’s pretty much lost.

As it’s ending, Jaemin approaches him. He’s sitting at the sideline, and his butt and legs are starting to hurt from sitting, so he accepts the hand Jaemin offers him to stand up.

“Sorry,” Jaemin says, smiling. He’s flushed, red cheeks and drips of sweat on his forehead, but he still looks handsome. Renjun clears his throat. “I have to shower now, but I’ll hurry.”

“No problem,” Renjun replies, waving his phone around. “I’ll wait.”

“Do you want me to introduce you?” Jaemin asks, pointing at the back of the court. But most of the others are already in the changing room, and Renjun wouldn’t like to intrude.

“Nah,” he replies. “It's okay. I already met most of them anyways.”

“Right,” Jaemin agrees, fanning his face with his hands. “Okay, I’ll see you in a bit.”

* * *

Renjun decides to have hot pot. It’s his favorite food, and it’s even nicer when he’s not paying. He usually visits this place with Donghyuck or Chenle and Jisung, but today he’s with Jaemin. Not that he’s complaining, because well, again: _free_ food.

“This smells so good. I’m starving,” Jaemin complains as he watches Renjun put the last ingredients in the broth. “I always forget to bring food for after practice.”

“Good thing that you already offered to buy food, then,” Renjun teases, watching the lettuce simmer.

“Yeah,” Jaemin laughs. “Good thing.”

The silence that follows isn’t uncomfortable, but Renjun finds himself searching for topics of conversation anyway. “So,” he tries, remembering the bits he had seen of the practice. “You’ve always played volleyball?”

Jaemin raises an eyebrow. “Are you making small talk right now?”

“Maybe,” Renjun replies defensively. “Why? Do you want to spend the next hour eating in silence?”

Jaemin shakes his head. “No. Please, no,” he laughs. He puts a hand on the table, and supports his head on it. “I’ve played for three years, with some long breaks, though,” he explains, while Renjun busies himself with the broth.

“Breaks?” Renjun inquiries.

Jaemin pauses. “Yeah. Bad injury.”

Renjun's heart drops. “Oh.”

“It’s okay,” Jaemin says, but his mouth is pressed in a tight line. “It was a long time ago, and I’m okay now.”

“That’s good,” Renjun replies, uncomfortable with the topic now. “What position do you play?”

“I’m a hitter,” Jaemin says, biting his lip. “An opposite hitter,” he adds, and there’s none of that frown left. “It’s an offensive position, but it’s also defensive. It’s hard, if I say so myself,” he explains. “Do you know anything about volleyball?”

“Not really,” Renjun confesses, stirring the food in front of them. “I don’t like sports much.”

“I see,” Jaemin mutters. “What do you like, then?”

Renjun looks at him, to make sure he’s not joking, but Jaemin’s expression doesn’t really tell him anything. He has his default smile on. “Music,” he answers, shrugging. “Art. Conspiracy theories. Space. Oh, and aliens.”

Jaemin's lips curl into a smile. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Renjun replies, feeling defensive all over again. He’s not sure if he’s liking this conversation or not.

“That’s interesting,” Jaemin says, smiling softly. “You like music? Do you sing?”

“Sometimes, but not really,” Renjun replies as he checks one of the shrimps in the broth, blowing some steam off it before putting it in his mouth. The meat should be cooked by now. “Why?”

“You have a nice voice,” Jaemin tells him. “You sound like you would be a good singer.”

Renjun laughs. “Okay?”

“You know, Mark plays the guitar sometimes,” Jaemin says. “You should sing with him.”

“Maybe,” Renjun says, though he’s not being sincere. “This is ready,” he points at the pot.

“Sorry,” Jaemin says, coming closer so he can get some of the broth in his bowl. “I know Mark’s your friend too. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You’re not. And he’s closer to you anyway,” Renjun replies, biting his lip. He can’t deny he’s curious about Mark and Jaemin’s relationship.

“I don’t know,” Jaemin hums. “He’s been busy these days,” he adds. “You can ask me about him, if you want. It’s not a forbidden topic, really.”

Renjun blushes. “I didn’t want to!”

Jaemin laughs, raising an eyebrow at him. “If you say so.”

“You’re annoying,” Renjun groans.

“Maybe I am,” Jaemin says, taking a spoonful of meat to his mouth. “But I’m also the one buying you hot pot.”

“Fair enough.”

* * *

“Is it true?” is the first thing that Chenle asks as he barges into his room.

Renjun pauses the music video he was watching, and turns around in his chair.

“What’s true?” he asks, scowling.

“You’re dating Na Jaemin?” Chenle asks, loud and quick. “As in popular, volleyball player, incredibly handsome, Na Jaemin? As in Jisung’s friend?”

Renjun opens his mouth, and closes it. He should have known. It was a matter of time before Chenle found out. He turns his chair, facing his desk again. “ _Maybe_ ,” he says, voice innocent.

Chenle stomps into his room and grabs Renjun’s by the shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me? I had to hear from Felix! You’re the worst cousin ever!”

“Damn, chill,” Renjun tells him, standing up from the chair and transferring to his bed while he tries to make up an excuse. “We’re just... taking it slow.”

Chenle sits on his chair, contemplating. “Wait, how slow are we talking about? Did you make out yet?”

Renjun grabs one of the pillows and throws it at him. Chenle grabs it in the air, laughing. “Good for you. He’s really popular. How did you get him to go out with you? Because I’m pretty sure you didn’t ask him.”

Renjun shakes his head, outraged. He snorts, remembering a conversation they had the day of the fight, over a week ago. “Well, now that _I’m_ dating, when are _you_ confessing to Jisung?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

Chenle squeals. _Serves him right._

“Wait,” Renjun says, a sudden idea crossing his mind. “You said you were sure I didn’t confess,” he says, and Chenle freezes on the spot. _Holy shit._ “Chenle, did you send my fucking letters?” he asks, voice serene and cold.

“Oh, god,” Chenle mumbles, horrorized. “I was mad at you for laughing at my crush! Don’t punch me!”

“Punch you?” Renjun laughs. “I’m going to kill you!”

Chenle yells, darting out of the room. “Help! I'm too young and pretty to die like this!”

* * *

He meets with Jaemin on a fateful Monday morning, just before classes start.

“I have a game this Friday,” Jaemin announces. They are currently hanging out on the bleachers, the field empty.

“Wait, what?” Renjun blurts out. It’s been three weeks since they started this whole deal, and he had hoped they would break it off before this moment arrived. Before he had to go to one of Jaemin’s games. Renjun groans at the thought of it— the game and the party after that. How did he agree to this?

“Time to actually fulfill your duties as my fake boyfriend,” Jaemin deadpans.

“Hey!” Renjun exclaims, recovering from the news. “I’m an amazing fake boyfriend, mind you!”

“Sure,” Jaemin laughs, not even contradicting him. “You’re going, right? he asks. He must see Renjun’s hesitation, because then, he adds, “It’s part of the deal! You can’t back down now!”

“I just—” Renjun rushes to defend himself. “I don’t have a car!” he exclaims. It’s true. He doesn’t know at which school this will be, and on Friday’s his mom usually works until late at night.

“You don’t have a car or you can’t drive?” Jaemin asks.

“Same difference!” Renjun exclaims. Jaemin laughs, and Renjun shakes his head. “Fine, I’ll try to convince Donghyuck to take me, but I make no promises.”

“Don’t worry,” Jaemin says, waving a hand. “I’m sure Yukhei’s girlfriend can give you a ride. The other school’s pretty close,” he explains. “And I’ll drive you home after the party.”

And what can Renjun say to that? It was a part of the deal. Jaemin has been perfect at playing his part so far. “Where’s the party?” he asks, defeated.

Jaemin beams. “At Mark’s.”

“Fine,” he agrees. “Let me ask Donghyuck, though. I’d rather drive with him.”

“Whatever suits you,” Jaemin says, standing up. It’s almost time for the first class. “Lemme know if I have to ask Yuqi, though,” and at that, Renjun nods. He doesn’t think Yukhei’s girlfriend is bad or anything, but he hasn’t spent enough time with her to be comfortable asking her for a favor.

“Okay, see you,” Renjun says, standing up too.

“I’ll meet you at lunch,” Jaemin replies, putting his backpack on one shoulder as he winks at Renjun.

Renjun scrunches his nose. “Gross!”

* * *

Lunch with Jaemin and his friends is always an experience, but today he doesn’t feel nearly as uncomfortable as in the past few times. They don’t force him to talk, like he expected them to everytime, but he makes some random comments here and there.

This time, halfway into lunch, Mark joins them.

Renjun doesn’t see him coming, as he’s sitting with his back facing the door, but Jaemin does, and calls out for him. Renjun freezes at the name. Does Mark know that he knows about him and Donghyck? He’s not sure.

“Hey guys,” Mark says with excitement, taking the chair besides Renjun. “Renjun! Nice to see you.”

“You too,” Renjun replies, trying to smile at him.

Across the table, Jaemin is looking at them intently. Renjun gulps.

“Hey,” Jaemin says to Renjun. “I’m full. Do you want the cookie? You like cookies,” Jaemin smiles, handing him the chocolate chip cookie he bought with his lunch. It’s Renjun’s favorite flavor.

“Yeah,” Renjun grins. Is it his idea or is the table suddenly very quiet? He tries to stay still. “Thanks.”

“Whatever for my Injunnie,” Jaemin replies, smiling brightly.

Renjun cringes internally, and tries not to squirm under the gaze of everyone, especially Mark’s. He knows Mark is looking. He takes Jaemin’s hand across the table, and squeezes it with a soft smile before intertwining their fingers.

Yukhei makes a sound. “What the fuck, you’re so cute.”

“No, he’s cute,” Jaemin says intermediately.

Renjun groans, embarrassed. He can feel his cheeks warming up. Oh god. He sits back, letting go of Jaemin’s hand. “Shut up.”

Jaemin laughs, and everyone does too.

* * *

Jaemin messages him during class. Renjun puts his phone on his lap, hiding it from the teacher’s view, and opens the app.

**na jaemin 14:04**

hey

sorry

and thank you

Renjun frowns at the screen.

**renjunnie 14:05**

for what?

**na jaemin 14:05**

for lunch

**renjunnie 14:08**

it’s okay

it's part of the deal

so it’s fine

**na jaemin 14:08**

right

thank you anyway

Renjun doesn’t quite know what to reply to that, so he doesn’t.

* * *

After a few weeks of fake dating Jaemin, Renjun decides it isn’t so bad. It’s not like Jaemin is bad company, even though he’s a bit weird and Renjun still doesn’t think they make a lot of sense as a couple. Jaemin is too eager, sometimes too kind, sometimes too teasing. Renjun tries his best to keep up, but he’s still awkward around him.

The truth is, the worst part is not the dating itself, but the people. The talk. The _stares_. At first he thought he was being paranoid. That is, until he mentions it to Donghyuck.

“Everyone is looking at us like we came from the circus,” Renjun says to Donghyuck, unseasy as they are walking to their last class of the day, side by side.

“They are not looking at us,” Donghyuck replies, looking around the hall. “They are looking at _you_ ,” he continues, then he smirks. “You’re right about the circus though. Clown.”

“Not funny,” Renjun snorts. “Why are they looking at me anyway?”

“Rumor’s out that you kissed Jaemin in the cafeteria,” Donghyuck says, then, he shrugs, like he’s expecting Renjun to complain. “That’s what I heard!”

“God, I only held his freaking hand!” Renjun exclaims, exasperated.

“ _Cute_ ,” Donghyuck teases.

Normally, Renjun would laugh and maybe punch him in the shoulder, but right now, he’s not in the mood. “This is awful,” he says, as more people look at him, people he doesn’t even know.

Donghyuck sighs. “This is exactly why I didn’t want anyone to know about me and… you know.”

Oh, Renjun _knows_. “What? Is he Voldemort now?” Renjun teases him, voice dull. But he does understand what Donghyuck means, now that he can fully grasp what’s like to date someone like Jaemin or Mark. “Yeah, I get it now—”

“Oh, Renjun, hey,” someone greets him, interrupting the conversation, and both Donghyuck and Renjun turn around.

“Jaemin!” Renjun exclaims, surprised. He looks at Jaemin, and then at Donghyuck. Fuck, what does he do now? Oh, _right_. Introductions. “This is Donghyuck,” he says, waving his hand at him. “And this is—”

“Jaemin, the boyfriend,” Donghyuck finishes for him, smiling from ear to ear. “I’ve been wanting to meet you.”

“Really? Me too!” Jaemin beams, all sweet and polite. Renjun has to give it to him, he’s a good actor. “Renjun here has told me a lot about you.”

 _Shit_. Not good.

“You talk about me?” Donghyuck asks. “That’s _sweet_.”

“Shut up,” Renjun says, his ears hot. He throws Jaemin a poisonous look. He’s going to kill him later if he doesn’t shut up.

“Glad to see I’m not the only one who gets that line,” Jaemin laughs, putting a hand on Renjun’s shoulder. “Oh hey, did you ask him about the game yet?”

That immediately catches Donghyuck’s attention. “What about it?”

Correction: Renjun is definitely going to kill Jaemin right about _now_.

“Oh, you know,” Jaemin starts, glancing at Donghyuck and Renjun back and forth. “The volleyball team...” his voice dies out after glancing at Renjun. “Oh, it’s really late, I gotta run to class now,” Jaemin says, chuckling awkwardly. “Nice meeting you, Donghyuck. See you after class, Renjunnie,” he hesitates.

Renjun knows it would be weird if they just said goodbye like that, so he shifts around to try and hug him at the same time Jaemin tries to hold him from the side. They almost crash into each other.

Jaemin takes a step back and waves, speeding down the hall.

Well, that went _great_.

“He calls you Renjunnie? And what was that weird ass hug?” Donghyuck comments after Jaemin’s out of sight, his voice strangled, like he’s holding back a laugh. “And what game? Too many questions and no answers, _Renjunnie_.”

Renjun wishes he could run his way out of this, like Jaemin just did. Damn him and his stupid loud mouth.

“Ugh, don’t call me that,” he groans. “Uh... I might have told him I would go to his game if you drove us there,” he explains, trying to sound nonchalant as they enter their classroom and pick their usual seats, all the way to the back. “You don’t have to, thought, I was just—”

“Why are you going to the game anyway? You hate watching sports,” Donghyuck asks him, and well, _true_.

If only Donghyuck knew.

Renjun breathes. “I wanna support Jaemin, or whatever.”

“Support him? As his boyfriend?” Donghyuck asks, teasing.

“Yes,” he says simply, looking at the board to avoid Donghyuck’s stare.

“Fine,” Donghyuck says. “I’ll take you. You have to help me with homework, though.”

“I always help you with your homework,” Renjun replies.

Donghyuck laughs. “True that.”

* * *

Jaemin calls him when he’s in his backyard, lying in the grass. He’s half tempted to ignore it, but he figures it’s best to get it done with. Jaemin is too persistent, anyways.

“Hey,” Jaemin says. “Renjun?” He asks after a moment of silence.

Renjun doesn’t want to lash out. They don’t know each other that well yet. He takes a deep breath. “I’m here,” he replies plainly, sighing.

“I’m sorry,” Jaemin is quick to reply. “I’m sorry that I told Donghyuck. I didn’t mean to,” he says, and okay, at least he sounds honest.

“Ugh!” Renjun groans loudly. “Fine. But don’t ever pull that shit again.”

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t know,” Jaemin replies. He sounds relieved. “It was just bad timing, I guess.”

“It really fucking was,” Renjun says, still annoyed.

“Yeah, sorry,” Jaemin’s voice comes out high.

“Whatever,” Renjun tells him. He’s still lying on the ground, but he’s not as nearly as relaxed as he wanted to be. The backyard was his place to have some peace, and right now, he’s not having any. “Did you need anything?”

“Are you coming to the game?” Jaemin asks him.

“You little—”

“It was always part of the deal!” Jaemin interrupts him. His voice sounds a bit muffled, like he was trying to cover it. It makes Renjun wonder if he’s with anyone right now. “You gave me your word!”

“Fine!” Renjun tells him, shifting around so he’s now sitting. He pinches his nose. “I’m coming to the stupid game.”

“Great!” Jaemin exclaims.

“But we have to step up our game, okay?” Renjun says, remembering the scene at the hall and trying not to cringe. “Donghyuck noticed it was weird. He asked me, and I quote, _what was that weird ass hug_.”

“I told you it would be weird if we only hug and hold hands!” Jaemin exclaims, defensive.

“So what do you suggest then, relationship guru?” Renjun retorts, raising his voice too.

“Kissing!” Jaemin tells him. “C’mon, it’s no big deal! Just a peck.”

“No way in hell!” Renjun replies, standing up, his grip on the phone tight. “We already went over this!”

“Wait, lemme move—” Jaemin says. There’s some stifled sounds coming through, and then, there’s Jaemin’s voice again. “Okay, sorry, I was with Jisung. Go on.”

“There’s no way we’re kissing,” Renjun says. It’s final. “Think of something else. I’ve been helping you. Now _you_ help me with Donghyuck.”

“Why are you so—” Jaemin groans, his breathing loud in the speaker. “Fine, no kissing. I’ll think of something.”

Renjun smiles. “It better be good.”

Jaemin laughs. “You’re impossible!”

“You like it,” Renjun says. This game can be played by two.

Jaemin laughs again. It sounds nice, even with a metallic ring to it thanks to the phone. “And what if I do?”

* * *

**na jaemin 21:12**

i still think we should kiss

( ˘ ³˘)♥

**renjunnie 21:20**

don’t push it

**na jaemin 21:20**

fine

i tried

╰( ͡’◟◯ ͡’)╯

* * *

The day of the game, Donghyuck drives them both to the school Jaemin’s team is playing at. It’s close, just a fifteen minute ride, and he spends each of those minutes thinking about everything that could go wrong. Donghyuck and Jaemin still haven’t talked much. Donghyuck has made some remarks about him, but mostly teasing ones, just to Renjun. He still hasn’t asked many questions, but Renjun knows he’s dying to.

Tonight. Tonight has to be the time they really act like boyfriends would.

“Renjun!” Jaemin calls from the court. Renjun looks at him. He’s dressed in shorts and a loose sleeveless shirt. “Here, I saved you a spot!”

He walks down the stands, Donghyuck following behind closely, and he apologizes multiple times as he makes his way to the spot Jaemin saved for them, in the middle of the first row.

“Hi,” Jaemin says, smiling at them. Renjun tries to smile back. “Are you cold? You seem cold,” he asks, looking at Renjun. Before he can reply, he reaches for a white and yellow jacket that matches his own uniform. It’s Jaemin’s jacket _._ “Come here.”

Renjun suppresses the immediate impulse to say no. He smiles tightly, and leans in. Jaemin keeps smiling at him as he puts the jacket around Renjun’s shoulders. It’s definitely too big for him, the fabric going below his butt and the sleeves covering his hands.

“It’s cute on you,” Jaemin says, as Renjun finishes putting on the jacket. They are close now, but Renjun’s taller, as he’s on the stands.

“Thanks,” he replies, his voice almost a whisper.

Jaemin smiles, and reaches out to his hand. He rolls the left sleeve of the jacket first, slow and careful, and gives him a quick smile before continuing with the right sleeve. Jaemin’s face is close, his eyelashes long, and Renjun's heart flutters.

_What. The. Fuck._

“Thanks,” Renjun says again, if only for the sake of saying something.

Jaemin takes a step back as he finishes. “No problem!” he smiles, looking at his team before looking back at Renjun. “I have to go now. Be sure to watch the game!”

Renjun nods, watching him jog to his team.

“Woah,” Donghyuck mutters beside him. “That was—”

“Embarrassing,” Renjun completes, looking at Jaemin, standing with his team near the back of the court. From the corner of his eye, he can see Donghyuck staring at him.

“I was going to say it was cute, actually.”

“Whatever,” Renjun dismisses, trying his best not to show his discomfort. It was too much, but at least it was worth it, since Donghyuck had been there to witness it all.

“Is it starting soon?” Renjun asks.

“I have no idea,” Donghyuck replies.

Renjun turns to face him. “Haven’t you come to see a game before?” he asks, thinking of Mark and all the games Donghyuck could have missed.

Donghyuck shakes his head as a reply.

Renjun doesn’t question him any further. It’s not his place anyway.

.

The game starts soon. And Na Jaemin is, to be honest, amazing. Even with his poor knowledge of volleyball, Renjun can see that. He’s quick on his feet, aggressive, and strong. He looked it up, _opposite hitter_. He can see exactly what Jaemin means now, about his position being dynamic. His jumps are high and steady, and he almost looks like the laws of gravity don’t apply to him when he’s suspended in the air for a few seconds.

Jaemin’s team wins the game 3 to 1.

Renjun has never liked sports before, but he can at least admit there’s some kind of magic to them now.

* * *

After the game, Donghyuck and Renjun kill some time at the stands before going to the party. Renjun thinks of congratulating Jaemin over text, but he decides he might as well say it in person, so he agrees to meet Jaemin at the party instead.

“I’m going to hang out with Mark tonight,” Donghyuck says as they walk towards the exit. “You know like… publicly.”

Renjun chokes on his spit. “Re-really? That’s good, Hyuck,” he says, giving him a smile.

The truth is, he doesn’t know how to feel about it. He’s had time to process the idea of Donghyuck and Mark, _together_ , but actually being there might be different than the idea of it. He’s not sure, but at least he has Jaemin. Hopefully he doesn’t ditch him to drink with his friends or something, because Renjun would be pissed off. It was his idea to do this anyway, so it is all on Jaemin that he’s here.

“Thanks,” Donghyuck replies, smiling at him too. “I’m just— tired of hiding, you know?”

“Believe me, I know,” Renjun replies, as they walk to the parking lot.

“There won’t be that many people at the party, I think,” Donghyuck explains, unlocking the car. “So we thought that it’d be okay for us to be together.”

“I’m sure it will be,” Renjun says, opening car door. He gives Donghyuck a smile. “It’s Mark’s party anyway. Don’t worry too much.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Donghyuck breathes. “Thank you.”

* * *

The moment Renjun goes inside Mark’s house, he feels his heart speeding up. Jaemin is there, in the middle of the living room, talking to Yukhei and Jungwoo. He’s not sure if he likes the loud music and low lights.

“Hey!” Jaemin calls, waving at him. “Renjunnie! Donghyuck!”

Renjun waves back at him before looking at Donghyuck. “Do you want to... ummmh?” he points at Jaemin with his chin.

Donghyuck shakes his head. “No, you go ahead. I’m gonna go find Mark.”

“Okay. “I’ll see you around then.”

They walk together towards the room, and Renjun nods before they part ways.

“Congrats,” he tells Jaemin as soon as they are close. He puts both of his hands on the pocket of his jacket— Jaemin’s jacket. “You were… cool.”

Jaemin raises an eyebrow, but his smile betrays him. “Cool?”

“Alright, fine, you were amazing,” Renjun admits. Jaemin smiles fully at that, and Renjun can’t help but smile too. “I didn’t know you could play like that. You were amazing, really.”

“Thank you, Renjun,” Jaemin says, smile bright. He takes a step closer, and puts a hand on his waist. “I like that jacket on you. It’s cute.”

“Oh,” Renjun mumbles, his stomach jittery. He’s still not used to having him so close. “I’ll give it back on Monday.”

“No, no, you can have it,” Jaemin tells him, the skin in the corner of his eyes crinkling. “I don’t really use it anyway,” he adds. Then, he lifts the cup he’s holding. “Do you want a drink?”

“I don’t drink,” Renjun replies, clearing his throat. “Wait, do you? You’re my ride for later!”

Jaemin laughs, putting a hand on his shoulder and guiding him to a table next to them. “This is soda.”

“Oh, okay. Sure, then,” he replies.

Jaemin grabs one of the empty cups. “Thank you for being here today,” he whispers, as he pours soda into one of the them. Renjun wants to tell him that it’s okay, that it was part of the deal anyways, but Jaemin handles him the cup, and smiles at him. “It means a lot.”

Renjun takes the cup, and rolls his eyes. “You’re welcome.”

Jaemin laughs, bumping his own cup with Renjun’s. “Cheers!”

* * *

Turns out, Jaemin isn't all that bad company for parties. He’s talkative and loud, sure, but he’s funny and lively, and he makes sure Renjun doesn’t feel excluded from the whole thing, checking up on him from time to time and taking a break from his friends to talk to him too.

He hangs out with Jaemin and his friends for a while, until the music turns louder and they all start dancing on the improvised dance floor. He sits on the couch, and takes turns between scrolling down his twitter feed and watching Jaemin dance.

He’s handsome, even under the dim lights of Mark's living room. He’s wearing an orange hoodie that sits well with his honey brown hair, and Renjun's eyes linger on him.

He feels someone plop down next to him, and he startles. It’s Donghyuck, sitting beside him. Mark is there too, sitting on the arm of the sofa. He waves at Renjun, and Renjun waves back.

He pokes Donghyuck’s ribs with his elbow. “You scared me.”

“Go dance with him,” Donghyuck abruptly says, pointing at the group dancing with his chin.

Renjun snorts. “I don’t even like—”

“You know you want to.” Donghyuck interrupts. “C’mon, it’ll be fun! I promise,” Donghyuck nudges him, seeing his hesitation.

Renjun sighs, considering it. It’s crazy, that he’s even thinking of doing this. But really, it’s not that he doesn’t like dancing. It’s that he never has before, in a situation like this one. He looks at Jaemin, and Jaemin catches his eye, smiling and waving at him, signaling for him to come.

He stands up.

“Oh, fuck it,” he says.

Behind his back, Donghyuck cheers loudly.

* * *

It’s two hours later, when everyone—except Jaemin and him— is playing beer pong, that Jaemin squeezes his shoulder and brings him to the kitchen. Renjun follows him, yawning into his hand.

“Do you want to go?” Jaemin asks.

Renjun hesitates, blinking. He doesn’t know for how much longer the party will go, but he’s pretty tired, and he really wants to take a bath and go to bed.

“Yeah,” he finally says. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry,” Jaemin smiles softly. “I’m pretty tired too.”

They say goodbye to all the people they find on their way to the door, and Renjun makes sure Donghyuck’s staying, so he doesn’t drive back home.

The car ride is quiet, except for the music Renjun plays from Jaemin’s phone.

“I hope tonight wasn’t as bad as you thought,” Jaemin says as they get closer to Renjun’s house.

“I didn’t—” Renjun starts. He shakes his head. “Fine,” he admits, blushing a little at being caught so easily. “It wasn’t as bad. Oh, turn right in the next.”

Jaemin laughs. “Good,” he says. “Did you...” Jaemin pauses. Renjun looks at him, curious, but Jaemin is looking at the road. “Did you know about Donghyuck and Mark before?”

Renjun’s heart stops. He swallows, not knowing how to answer. He didn’t intend to hurt Jaemin, or to keep it as a secret, but he had to.

“I did,” he says, biting his lip. “I’m sorry, but it wasn’t my place to say.”

“No, I get it,” Jaemin replies, eyes still fixed on the road.

And damn, now he feels guilty. Why does he even feel guilty? Donghyuck is his best friend. Jaemin should understand. It’s not his fault, and Jaemin shouldn’t take it out on Renjun. That's what he thinks, but the next thing that comes out of his mouth is not any of that, but a soft, “Are you mad?”

“I’m not,” Jaemin replies. The red light reflects on his face. He turns and looks at Renjun. “I’m not mad at you.”

Renjun sighs. “And at Mark?”

“No,” Jaemin replies. He’s serious, but he’s not scowling. “I’m not, really. He’s one of my best friends, and he deserves to be happy.”

Renjun makes a _click_ with his tongue. “Right.”

“I mean, I can’t say I didn’t feel anything watching them, but—” Jaemin sighs, starting the car again. “I’m his friend, and if he’s happy then I’m happy for him. I’m glad he has someone.”

Renjun smiles, blinking his tiredness away. He thinks of Donghyuck, telling him about Mark these past few weeks. Donghyuck, happy.

“Yeah,” Renjun mutters. “I’m glad too. Oh, that white house is mine.”

Jaemin parks outside. “Thank you for coming,” he says, putting both of his arms on the steering wheel and resting his face on them. He closes his eyes for a second.

“Stop saying thank you,” Renjun blurts. He knows Jaemin is saying it because of the deal, and that’s why he doesn’t like to hear it. Jaemin doesn’t have to thank him for doing his part.

“I mean it, though,” Jaemin says. His right cheek is mushed against his arm, and he looks a bit ridiculous.

“Whatever,” Renjun replies dismissively. But then, Jaemin laughs, straightening himself. “What?”

“I like hanging out with you, Renjun,” Jaemin says. He has a stupid smile on his face, soft and mushy, and Renjun almost wants to make fun of it. “Just that.”

“Okay,” Renjun replies, out of words. He puts a hand in the handle. “Goodnight, then?”

Jaemin chuckles. “Goodnight, Renjun.”

* * *

**PART 4**

**breaking rule number one**

On Monday, he has lunch with Jaemin and his friends. This time, Donghyuck and Jeno join them. The table is crowded and noisy, with Donghyuck and Jaemin making jokes at each other at every chance they get.

Renjun sighs at their loud voices.

“Who do you think would win in a fist fight?” Yukhei asks him.

By his other side, Jeno laughs.

“Uh—” Renjun mutters, looking at Yukhei and then at Jeno, who raises his eyebrows at him. “I don’t know, Jaemin?”

Jeno grins. “Supporting the boyfriend, I see.”

“No!” Renjun flushes. “I mean, he plays volleyball and trains at least three times a week, so he’s probably stronger than Donghyuck. Although,” he pauses, considering, “Donghyuck can play dirty, too.”

“They would put on a show,” Yukhei comments, looking at the other side of the table, where Donghyuck is hugging Jaemin, almost strangling him in the process.

“That’s for sure,” Jeno nods, smiling at them too. “Oh, Mark!” He perks up.

Renjun looks up from his lunch, and sees Mark approaching them, backpack hanging from his shoulder. He stiffens in his seat.

“Hey guys!” Mark greets.

Jaemin stands up from his seat beside Donghyuck. “Here you go,” he says, smiling at Mark, and walking over the table. Renjun furrows his eyebrows as Jaemin takes a chair from another table and places it between Renjun and Yukhei.

“That’s better,” Jaemin says, smiling. When he places a hand on Renjun’s shoulder, he tries not to flinch.

Donghyuck, across the table, makes a gagging notion. Jaemin sticks his tongue out to him, and Yukhei lets out a laugh.

Renjun shakes his head.

.

After lunch, Jaemin walks him to his locker, like every Monday. Renjun tries to keep calm. He feels a bit jumpy around Jaemin, and he doesn’t if it’s because his presence is now accepted between his friends, or if it’s because he’s actually starting to like his presence too. Both of those options sound equally bad to him.

Jaemin takes his pinky between his fingers, and Renjun almost jumps. Jaemin looks at him like he just said something funny.

“Sorry,” Renjun says. He doesn’t know what for, yet, so he quickly makes up an excuse. “Oh, I forgot to bring your jacket today, but I will—”

Jaemin shakes his head. “It’s okay, I already told you that you can keep it.”

Renjun tilts his head. “Yeah, but...” he trails off. _I didn’t think you meant it,_ he finishes in his head _._ Donghyuck was there too, at that time, and he thought Jaemin had said it in the spurt of the moment.

“Mmm?” Jaemin nudges for him to continue.

They stop by Renjun’s locker, and Jaemin lets go of his hand.

“Nevermind,” Renjun smiles, moving his shoulder to lift his backpack. “See you tomorrow?” he offers.

“Do you want to hang out after practice?” Jaemin asks. Renjun looks at him, but he has the same smile as always. “I want to go to the waffle store again,” at that Renjun raises an eyebrow at him. “And I’ll get you chocolate chip cookies and herbal tea,” he proposes, chuckling.

Renjun laughs. “Alright, then. Only for the cookies.”

“And the tea,” Jaemin adds.

“ _And_ the tea,” Renjun says.

“And the excellent company,” Jaemin says.

Renjun snorts, and punches Jaemin in the shoulder.

* * *

Things are okay between them, mostly. Everything feels a bit different since the time at the party, but Renjun still can’t put a finger on what it is. He feels jumpy, sometimes, around Jaemin. Probably because of the thing Jaemin had said in his car. That he likes _hanging out_ with Renjun. And of course, Renjun, being the overanalyzer he is, spends a little too much thinking about it.

He doesn’t think they are friends, him and Jaemin. But soon, maybe. Does Jaemin want to be friends with him? Because Renjun… well, Renjun doesn’t know.

Jaemin is nice. That’s for sure. He’s loud and annoying, and he doesn’t seem to understand the concept of personal space, but he’s smart and funny and _nice_. He always does these tiny gestures for his friends, even for Renjun, and he doesn’t know what to make of them. Jaemin’s always offering to buy him food, or bringing an extra chocolate chip cookie for him. He’s always glancing at him when they are with his friends to make sure he feels included, smiling at him after he makes a joke.

Renjun doesn’t know what to make of it.

* * *

Donghyuck drops the bomb when they are hanging out at the music room, waiting for Mark and Jaemin to finish practice.

“So,” he says. “ _Jaemin_.”

Renjun tenses, but he doesn’t look up from his phone. He clears his throat before speaking. “Yeah?”

“I approve,” Donghyuck says. “I think.”

Renjun snorts, eyes fixed on the screen, his fingers tapping the rhythm of a song. What does he even mean? He isn’t ready for this conversation yet. Or _ever_. “You think you approve?” he asks, tone ironic, maybe a bit more harsh than he intended to.

“Fine, I approve,” Donghyuck replies. He pauses, and Renjun finally looks up. He doesn’t like the look on his friend one bit. Because he’s _serious_. “He’s best friend certified, or whatever.”

“That wasn’t—” Renjun stops himself. He sighs. “Okay, whatever you say,” he replies, as stoically as he can manage.

“He’s nice to you,” Donghyuck insists. Renjun groans. “He pushes you to do stuff you don’t usually do, and you seem happy with him,” he continues, and Renjun doesn’t know if he feels embarrassed for Donghyuck or for him right now. “So I approve.”

“Haha, okay,” Renjun replies, voice strained. “Thanks.”

Donghyuck scowls. “I mean it!”

“I know,” Renjun replies. He knows Donghyuck means it, and that’s the whole fucking problem. “Thanks,” he mutters again.

Donghyuck smiles at him. “No problem.”

.

He meets Jaemin twenty minutes after. His face is flushed, probably from the hot water, and his hair is still dripping wet. Renjun tries not to stare.

“Oh, hey,” Jaemin greets him, waving at Donghyuck from afar. “Do you want to get hot pot with Mark and Donghyuck?” he asks, and Renjun wants to slap him across the face. Or slap himself. Or both. “Mark suggested we go eat somewhere and I remembered you said hot pot is your favorite,” he explains, and now Renjun wants to cry, because of course Jaemin would remember that. “You know, we could go to the place we went to last time, since it’s close.”

“We could,” he tries saying, but it comes as a whisper, throat uncomfortable tight.

“Yeah,” Jaemin replies, looking at Renjun with questioning eyes. “Do you want to? Sorry, I know this might be uncomfortable for you, I can tell Mark that I’m too tired or something.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Renjun says, smiling. Of course this was about Mark.

Jaemin smiles back softly. “Yeah?”

“Sure,” Renjun replies, taking a deep breath. It’s okay. He can do this. “But I’m buying this time. I’m starting to feel bad for your wallet,” he jokes.

“Alright,” Jaemin says, laughing. “Just this time, though.”

Renjun glances at him, looking at his eyes, his nose, and then, at his lips, pink, and just a bit rough looking. Renjun’s heart jumps.

“Let’s go, then,” Jaemin exclaims, taking him out of his daze.

Renjun nods, and watches Jaemin jogging to Mark and Donghyuck with a pretty smile on his face.

 _Fuck_.

Oh god. likes Jaemin. He likes Jaemin, as in his fake boyfriend Jaemin. Renjun’s screwed.

“C’mon, Renjunnie,” Jaemin exclaims, waving at him cutely. “Let’s go!”

So, _so_ screwed.

* * *

“So, the skiing trip—” Jaemin says in his car, a week later.

“No, absolutely not,” Renjun interrupts him. He knows all about the skiing trip. He’s never gone before, because neither Jeno nor Donghyuck have even mentioned wanting to go, but oh, he’s heard about it. From Donghyuck, mostly, but even if it weren’t for him, the rumors are crazy enough that even Renjun can’t ignore them.

It’s wild. Teenagers, almost no parents, and beds. Very bad combination.

“But!” Jaemin exclaims, pouting. “That’s so unfair! I didn’t even get to ask!”

“If you’re going to say we should go, the answer is no. The world is an unfair place, Jaemin,” Renjun deadpans. It’s not even about his _feelings_ for Jaemin or whatever, but it’s just. Mark is going on the trip too, probably. Mark _and_ Jaemin. Apparently Renjun still has some sense of self preservation left, so _no_ , thank you very much.

“You’re sure?” Jaemin asks, his fingers tapping the steering wheel. “You’re sure you are going to say no?”

“Yes,” Renjun says through gritted teeth.

“Absolutely sure?” Jaemin insists.

Renjun sighs, exasperated. “Yes, Jaemin, I’m sure. Can I go now?”

“I’m calling in the date, then” Jaemin says, and Renjun's mouth drops. “You know, the date you agreed on, when we made our deal?”

“What? No!” Renjun exclaims, panicking. “That’s unfair! A trip is not even a date! It’s a _trip_!”

“The world is an unfair place, Renjunnie,” Jaemin tells him with a _wink_. Renjun is going to end him. “You’re going with me,” Jaemin declares. He must see something in Renjun’s face, because then, he says, “It’ll be fun, I promise. Remember how you didn’t want to come to the party with me? You had fun that night too. Just— trust me.”

Renjun sighs, defeated. This stupid deal is going to be the death of him. He needs to end it, and he needs it to end _soon_.

“Fine,” Renjun accepts, and Jaemin cheers. “But!” he continues, and Jaemin looks at him. “No more fake boyfriend stuff after that, you hear me?”

Jaemin’s face drops. “What?”

“I think you already made your point about Mark,” Renjun explains, rushing. It’s true. “And I made mine with Donghyuck, so,” he adds. He hopes Jaemin understands this. He just— can’t continue with this.

Jaemin sighs. “Okay,” he says, straightening himself in the car seat. Renjun lets out the air he was holding in. _Okay_. “So we’re faking our break up after the trip?”

Renjun laughs at the wording, but it comes out as a strangled chuckle.

“Yeah," he says. "I guess we are.”

* * *

Jeno, against all odds, agrees to go on the trip with them. Maybe it’s because this time Donghyuck is going, too— something about not leaving Mark alone with the wolves, he had said.

Jaemin waves at him when the three of them enter the bus, and Renjun smiles and waves back. Donghyuck goes to sit with Mark, and Renjun throws Jaemin an apologetic look before sitting down with Jeno. He can’t leave his friend alone. Jaemin will understand.

* * *

After he’s settled in a room with Jeno and Donghyuck, Jaemin stops by. He’s lying in his bed, texting Chenle, when Jaemin peaks through the half-open door.

“Hey!” Jaemin greets, smiling. Renjun gives him a small smile, sitting on the bed. “Do you want to go grab tea?” Jaemin offers, pointing att the door with his thumb. “You seem like you could use something warm,” he jokes, eyeing the two layers of clothes Renjun is wearing. Plus boots. Plus a scarf. Plus a hat.

“I could,” Renjun admits. Is it a good idea, though? He’s still trying to process the whole _feelings_ thing. Even just thinking it has him wanting to stab himself. With a pen. “But I wanted to—”

“No buts,” Jaemin deadpans, walking towards Renjun’s bed. He’s wearing a tight black sweater underneath his fluffy jacket, and Renjun gulps, trying to look away. He looks good. “It’s just a cup of tea!”

Renjun sighs. There’s no way out of this. “Okay, _fine_. But stop yelling!”

Jaemin grins.

“Deal.”

.

“Why do you need to take a hundred pictures?” Renjun complains, looking at Jaemin clutching at his phone, snapping photos of the place. He can’t deny it’s pretty, though, with wooden tables and big glass windows that show the landscape outside, mostly covered by snow. “Isn’t one enough?”

“No!” Jaemin says, pointing at the mugs in the table with his phone. It’s tea, for Renjun, and black coffee for himself. “I need them for my instagram. That was the whole point of having a date, remember?”

“Right,” Renjun huffs.

“Smile,” Jaemin says, lifting up the camera to Renjun’s face.

Renjun grabs the wool hat he’s wearing and brings it further down. “No.”

“Grumpy.” Jaemin laughs, taking one last picture before putting his phone on the table. He takes a sip of his coffee, and Renjun does the same. It’s warm and comfy, and he instantly feels better. “Hey, do you want to go skiing later?” Jaemin asks, voice hopeful. Renjun hums. “Mark and Donghyuck are going too.”

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Renjun quickly replies. He doesn’t want to see Jaemin sulking because of Mark and Donghyuck. “I don’t know how to, anyway.”

“Really?” Jaemin perks up. “I can teach you! I’ve been told I’m pretty good at it.”

“I don’t really like the snow,” Renjun replies, feeling just a tiny bit guilty at Jaemin’s sulky expression, even though it is true that he dislikes snow. “It’s too cold. Besides, I promised Jeno I’ll stay here with him.”

“Oh, okay. Yeah, I get it,” Jaemin chuckles, nodding slowly. Then, he bites his lip. “You know,” he continues. “I heard there’s a hot tub. We can go there after dinner? You won’t freeze, and it’s good for your pores too.”

Renjun lets out a laugh. “For your pores?”

“Yeah!” Jaemin says, excited. He puts on a serious expression. “Like a free facial.”

Renjun shakes his head, amused. Maybe he could go? Even though he didn’t bring a swimsuit, he could always ask Jeno or Donghyuck. Maybe.

He’s about to answer when Mark, Yukhei and Jungwoo barge into the room, Yukhei’s loud and deep laugh echoing against the walls.

“Jaemin, are you going with us?” Mark asks when he sees them. “Hey, Renjun!”

Renjun waves at them with one hand, his other hand still around the warm mug, trying to warm up his fingers.

Jaemin looks at him, asking a question, and Renjun smiles. “You can go. I’ll bring your mug. And thanks for the tea.”

“No problem,” Jaemin says, giving him a tentative smile. “I’ll see you later?”

“I’ll think about it,” Renjun hums jokingly.

“Don’t think too much,” Jaemin says, standing up from the table. “Have fun with Jeno!”

“Yeah,” Renjun mutters under his breath, even though Jaemin is walking out of the room already. “Thanks.”

* * *

**na jaemin 21:25**

hey

you coming? [ •́ ‸ •̀ ]

**renjunnie 21:40**

sorry

maybe tomorrow?

**na jaemin 21:40**

k

* * *

Renjun stares at his phone, feeling like shit. He knows Jaemin is just being friendly, and he’s kind of acting like an asshole, but right now, he can’t do anything else. He can’t reach out, he can’t spend time with him, because it _hurts_. It hurts to think that he likes Jaemin, literally the one person he shouldn’t be having feelings for. Jaemin, who asked him to be his fake boyfriend because he was in love with his best friend. For _years_. It made no sense, but it happened.

Now he just has to suck it up, and wait for the deal to finish. He can avoid Jaemin for a while, and hope for no bad feelings between them.

“Why do you look like someone kicked your puppy?” Jeno asks from his own bed.

Renjun scoffs. “I don’t have a puppy,” he replies, but Jeno only raises his eyebrows at him. There’s a moment of silence, before he gives up. He doesn’t like it when Jeno stares. “Fine,” he mutters. “Jaemin—” he stops himself. How does he even explain all this? There’s no way he can. “It’s complicated,” it’s what he settles for.

Jeno gives him an unimpressed look. “Why?”

“Why what?” Renjun asks back, blowing some air into his hands. They are cold, now. He might need something warm. Is the lounge open at this hour, anyway?

“Why is it complicated?” Jeno insists.

Renjun sighs, throwing himself into his bed. It’s all too much. “If only you knew.”

“Then tell me,” Jeno says. He sounds honest, and concerned, and Renjun’s eyes water. He’s exhausted. It’s exhausting, to run away, too keep this many secrets. He blinks away the tears.

“From the start?” Renjun asks, voice hoarse.

“From the start,” Jeno replies.

Renjun sighs again, sitting on the bed. “You have to swear this stay between us,” he says, pointing at Jeno, who nods. “No, you really have to swear it!”

“I swear!” Jeno exclaims, throwing his hand on the air.

“And you don’t get to laugh at me,” Renjun adds, his cheeks flushed at the thought of all he’s going to confess next. “Not now, nor ever.”

Jeno smiles, a hand on his heart. “I promise.”

“Okay,” Renjun says, and then he starts. At the beginning of it all. “So, I wrote a letter. I wrote four letters, actually, and...”

He tells Jeno about them. He leaves out the part where one of them was addressed to Jeno’s older cousin, Doyoung. He’s already embarrassed as it is, and Doyoung moved a long time ago anyway, so there’s no chance he would have gotten it.

A few minutes later, Renjun finishes with the last bit of the story, Jaemin’s text messages.

“So, in summary…” Jeno trails off. “Jaemin and you were just pretending to date, but you ended up liking him.”

“Yeah,” Renjun says, feeling too dumb all of sudden. He’s dumb. Everything about this is so dumb.

“Okay,” Jeno calmly says. “And now you’re ignoring him because…?”

“Because!” Renjun exclaims, exasperated. “I can’t face him! I like him too much!” he continues, feeling his face getting hot. “This is the worst!”

“If you like him,” Jeno says, voice still so stupidly calm that it irks him. “Then what are you doing here, Renjun?”

“What?”

Jeno lets out a stifled laugh. “You’re so dumb!”

“Shut up, I know!” Renjun hisses.

“Jaemin has been trying to spend time with you, Renjun!” Jeno says next. “From what I see, he wanted you to come on the trip _with_ him, not _for_ him. He’s been inviting you to do stuff together all day!” Jeno continues, and oh. _Oh_. Renjun laughs nervously. Because that can’t be true. It can’t be, right?

_Right?_

“Renjun, he’s probably waiting for you right now!”

Renjun jumps from the bed, heart beating fast on his chest. “You think so?” he asks.

“Yeah, totally!” Jeno says, smiling at him, eyes wide.

“You think I should go?” Renjun asks, and Jeno nods enthusiastically. “But what if—”

“Renjun, just go!” Jeno nudges him, almost pleading. “C’mon, you like him! What’s the worst thing that can happen? You’re already driving him away anyway! You should at least give him a chance,” Jeno says, and it makes sense. If he’s going to finish this whole fake dating thing with Jaemin, he might as well just come clean about his feelings.

“You’re right,” Renjun nods to himself, feeling a rush of courage. “Yeah! I should go!”

“Yeah!” Jeno encourages him.

Renjun puts on his boots, and dashes to the door, determined. He manages to take one step out before rushing back inside.

“What now?” Jeno asks.

Renjun flails his arms around. “I don’t have a swimsuit!”

“Renjun!” Jeno gives him a look.

“Fine!” Renjun says. “I’m going!”

“Hurry up,” Jeno says. “And don’t come back unless you’ve talked to Jaemin.”

Renjun laughs nervously. “Mean!” he whispers to himself.

* * *

“Hey,” he says, a bit too loud. The room is empty and silent, except for the sound of the water, and his voice echoes, startling Jaemin.

“Renjun?” he asks, turning around. For a second, he seems surprised to see him, before he scoffs and turns around. “What are you doing here? I thought you said—”

“I know what I said,” Renjun interrupts him, entering the room and standing in front of the hot tub. Jaemin is sitting at the back, two meters away from him. The white lights placed at the sides of the tub reflect dimly on his face because of the water, and Renjun stares at him a few more seconds before making a decision.

Renjun takes his hat and his jacket off.

“What are you doing?” Jaemin asks, sitting straight, the water just below his chest.

“I—” Renjun takes a deep breath. “I have to talk to you. Sorry, I honestly didn’t think this through,” he admits, taking off his pants and socks now. He’s left with just his underwear, and he shivers slightly, air cold around him. “But I’m here.”

Jaemin hums, lips in a straight line, but at least he’s not scoffing anymore. “You’re here.”

“Jaemin, I...” Renjun gulps, entering the hot tub. It’s hot against the cold skin of his legs, and he shivers again. He sits, so the water is covering him up to his neck, and he sighs, relieved. “I’m sorry,” he says, sincerely. “For blowing you off. You didn’t deserve that.”

Jaemin snorts. “No, I didn’t.”

“It’s just—” Renjun tries, swimming towards Jaemin, until they are face to face. Renjun stands on his knees, and his chest feels cold again. _It’s now or never._ He takes a deep breath. “You’re nice. Too nice. And I know we only started talking because of this whole fake dating thing, and that you like Mark, but—”

“Mark?” Jaemin says, like he can’t believe what he’s saying. Renjun backs down a few centimeters. “What does Mark have to do with any of this?”

“I don’t know!” Renjun says, voice shaky, splashing water around them with his arms. “Isn’t Mark the reason why we started this thing? Because you like him!”

“I don’t!” Jaemin yells. There’s a moment of silence between them before he continues. Renjun swallows. “I don't, okay?” Jaemin repeats, softer this time. “Yes, he was the reason I made a deal with you. But I knew he was dating someone. And I was finally starting to get over him. I just needed a little push,” he confesses. “And you accepted the deal too! It wasn’t like I was just using you!”

“I know!” Renjun says, frustrated. This conversation isn’t going the way he wanted to. He never meant to accuse Jaemin of anything. He just... He needs to say what he came here to say. “I’m sorry, Jaemin.” He needs to be sincere, now. “I thought you hadn't moved on, and I was scared.”

“Scared of what, Renjun?” Jaemin asks. When he doesn’t reply, Jaemin takes a step closer, and Renjun’s breath hitches in his throat. “I wanted to spend today with you, Renjun. Not Mark, not anyone else. _You_ ,” he says, putting his hands in Renjun’s arm, softly. “But you were the only one that couldn’t see that. All you think about is Donghyuck and Mark, until the point you couldn’t see beyond them, Renjun,” he continues, and Renjun trembles under his touch. “So, really, who’s the one that can’t move on?”

_Now or never._

“I like you,” Renjun babbles. His throat is dry, and it’s hard to talk through tears, but he does. He needs to. “I really do,” he chuckles, even though it’s not funny. Nothing about this is funny. “And I was scared because I like you too much.”

Jaemin moves his hand from his arm to his waits, carefully, slowly, like he might scare him off if he doesn’t.

“You don’t need to be scared,” Jaemin whispers, as he moves Renjun closer, pulling him in by the waist. He sits down again, and Renjun is left hovering over him, the water moving slowly around him.

Renjun looks at him. At his long, long lashes, his pretty eyes, and his tentative smile. He blinks, feeling Jaemin’s breath on his lips.

And he decides to let go.

He climbs into Jaemin’s lap, and kisses him, softly, lightly. Jaemin’s lips are warm and sweet, and just a little bit rough and chapped. Renjun slides his hands around the back of his neck, Jaemin’s wet hair tingling his fingers. Jaemin deepens the kiss, and Renjun whimpers quietly.

Jaemin smiles in the kiss, and Renjun smiles too, embarrassed, his heart beating fast.

“I like you too, Renjun,” Jaemin whispers against his lips, letting their foreheads touch. "I like so, so much."

Renjun looks at him through wet eyelashes, and kisses him again.

* * *

“Donghyuck is not going to let me live this down,” Renjun says, arms still clinging to Jaemin’s neck.

Jaemin laughs quietly, caressing his back with one hand. “You’re going to tell him?”

“Yeah,” Renjun replies, biting his lip nervously. “Enough about secrets. I’m sick of secrets!”

Jaemin takes one of his hands between his own, and kisses it softly. “Good,” he whispers. "Me too."

Renjun immediately flushes, his ears burning.

“You’re cute,” Jaemin says, laughing softly.

Renjun huffs. “And you’re annoying.”

“Yeah,” Jaemin says, coming closer, until their mouths are only a few centimetres apart. “Maybe I am,” he mumbles, kissing the corner of his mouth, and then his jaw, leaving a trail of kisses down his neck. Renjun shakes under his touch. “But you like it.”

Renjun grins, sighing defeatedly. “I really, _really_ do.”

**Author's Note:**

>  _extra:_  
>    
> “I can’t believe only _I_ managed to catch a cold,” Renjun complains, feeling dizzy. He has a headache and a stuffy nose, too. There’s too much light coming from outside, and he groans. “The curtains, please.”
> 
> “Right,” Jaemin says, standing up to close them. “Sorry, babe,” he adds, sitting at the end of the bed. “Wait, I can call you baby now, right?”
> 
> Renjun grins, even though Jaemin can’t see him. He sits, the covers falling off from the bed. “Fine,” he replies. “But you have to feed me now,” he says, feeling his stomach grumbling. Jaemin nods, standing up, but Renjun takes his hand before he can move. “And take care of me,” he adds. “Boyfriend duties. Kiss me first.”
> 
> Jaemin smiles. “Boyfriend duties,” he repeats, too energetic, and leans down.
> 
> Their lips meet halfway through.  
> 
> 
> and that's a wrap! hope you liked it!  
>    
> come talk to me!  
> ☆ [twt](https://twitter.com/starlight_jaem)  
> ☆ [cc](https://curiouscat.me/starlightjaem)  
> [blm](https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/)  
> 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [dance to this electrolyte beat!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26491402) by [yoonbot (iverins)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iverins/pseuds/yoonbot)




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